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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/29036676">A Chorus Line</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/Abbdabb/pseuds/Abbdabb'>Abbdabb</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>RuPaul's Drag Race (US) RPF</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>A Chorus Line, Actors, Developing Relationship, F/F, Lesbian Character, Light Angst, Musical Theatre AU, Musicals, Not very angsty, Showmance, Slow Burn, Theatre, a chorus line au, but still, my ill advised sex saga continues!!!, theatre lesbians, wlw, wlw au</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2021-01-28</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-05-12</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-13 04:55:40</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Mature</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>8</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>26,838</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/29036676</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/Abbdabb/pseuds/Abbdabb</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Jackie Cox has a reputation for being the stage manager who can work magic. After feeling stagnant in her work, Jackie takes a job working on a small scale, gender-blind production of A Chorus Line. Everything about the show is exciting and refreshing, especially the beautiful woman playing Cassie.</p><p>But Jackie has a rule against looking at actresses that way.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Jackie Cox/Jan Sport</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>64</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>66</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. I Hope I Get It</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>The A Chorus Line actress and stage manager AU that absolutely nobody asked for? Why yes! I am here to provide!  </p><p>I'm really missing my theatre decided I needed theatre lesbians!</p><p>I hope this very niche plot interests anyone at all!!!</p><p>Cheers!!!</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>Sometimes, Jackie found herself missing the feeling of being on stage. It didn’t happen often, but sometimes, when the actors she managed were taking their final bows, Jackie remembered the adrenaline spike and the flutter in her stomach that the applause created. The sound of everyone in the theatre cheering for </span>
  <em>
    <span>her</span>
  </em>
  <span>… it was nothing short of exhilarating. Of course, the actors always directed the audience to applaud for the crew, but it wasn’t the same. Especially when it was closing night. The energy in the theatre was always palpable. The exhaustion, stress, and nerves everyone felt had all dissipated by the final show. It was pure excitement and pure love for the craft of theatre. The final bow as the lead in a production on the closing night - it was a feeling unlike anything else. Stage lights made it too bright to see who was in the audience, but that didn't matter because Jackie knew when she performed, everyone was watching </span>
  <em>
    <span>her. </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>For the most part though, Jackie wouldn’t trade stage managing for any other job. It was horribly stressful, dreadfully demanding, and Jackie loved every second of it. She was organized to a fault and knew everything there was to know about theatre production. Not to mention that she had built herself a network of contacts that allowed her to pull off anything she or her directors wanted to. Jackie was known for making the impossible happen.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Her stellar reputation had started to backfire however, because Jackie's stage management services had a price tag that reflected how in demand she was. It had been many years since Jackie had the opportunity to work in experimental theatre or with a small company. And frankly, she was starting to get sick of directors that could afford her.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What’s up next for you, Jackie?” Her best friend Gigi asked as she sipped a glass of white wine. Jackie, Gigi, and their other best friend Widow had decided to go out for drinks to celebrate the successful closing of Jackie’s most recent, and most hated, show. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“A long vacation,” Jackie sighed as she took a drink of her red wine. “This show pushed me to my limit, I swear. I will never work with that director again. And I am sick to death of musicals. I’m always running on fumes by closing night, but this was hell.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“The show was spectacular,” Gigi reassured her.</span>
</p><p>“Thanks to me,” Jackie scoffed. </p><p>
  <span>“I think that’s usually the case,” Gigi said with a laugh. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Do you ever miss doing smaller things?" Widow asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"All the time," Jackie admitted with a nod. "You think that when you get a level of notoriety, you get to be a bit more picky with the shows you're able to work on. But I feel like I end up working with the same few teams and they are demanding and their productions are boring!"</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"You miss being able to be more creative?" Gigi asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"I miss when the problems I had to solve were more important than an actress who doesn't like the fabric the seamstress chose," Jackie said drily. Both Gigi and Widow laughed and agreed with the sentiment. When Jackie was drained, the two women were always the best friends to have around. Partially because they were just gems, and partially because they understood Jackie’s line of work. Widow was a choreographer who had worked a lot of the same circuits as Jackie - before Jackie had garnered a bit of renown for her skill - and Gigi was a model-turned-fashion designer in her later years. They had both experienced the same highs and lows that Jackie had. They had all dealt with demanding directors, unruly actors/models, and productions that fell apart. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I swear, this is my last musical,” Jackie said dramatically.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Are you sure?” Widow asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“They’re more stressful than any other shows, and the directors are always impossible,” Jackie huffed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What if I had an opportunity for-”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Did you seriously have an ulterior motive for planning this night out?" Jackie asked, feigning insult, but mostly she was surprised. Widow hadn't asked Jackie to be involved in a show for a long time. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No!” Widow said defensively. “I wanted to see you guys. You've been so busy with the last show, you know it’s been way too long since we’ve all got to spend a night together.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“But you wanted to do it in public so Jackie couldn’t dump a glass of wine on you for suggesting she got back into the fray after closing a show she hated,” Gigi teased.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well-”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Not a chance,” Jackie said, shaking her head emphatically. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“At least-”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Not going to happen,” Jackie reiterated.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hear me out,” Widow begged.</span>
</p><p>"Come on, Jackie. Let her speak. We all know you’re not going to take a vacation,” Gigi scoffed. “You haven’t taken more than a few days break in between shows in years.”</p><p>
  <span>“Maybe this time I was going to,” Jackie said defensively. She knew that Gigi was right. Especially after shows that she wasn’t happy with, Jackie was always quick to start a new project. Each production was a learning experience, and Jackie loved to learn. She was a workaholic, but it was much more than just that. Jackie loved the theatre. She loved everything about it. And she went through withdrawal whenever she was away from her craft for too long. Ever since she had been a little girl dancing to her mother's</span>
  <em>
    <span> Evita </span>
  </em>
  <span>soundtrack, Jackie was drawn permanently to the stage.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You weren’t,” Widow laughed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What’s the show?” Jackie asked with a groan. Widow clapped her hands together excitedly, thrilled that Jackie was going to let her give an elevator pitch.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m choreographing for a company that’s mounting a gender-blind production of A Chorus Line. The production team is pretty fantastic. You’ve probably worked with a few of them before. But their production manager walked out a few days ago,” Widow explained.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Why did the manager walk out?” Jackie asked skeptically.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Inexperienced,” Widow said with a shrug. “Overwhelmed. You said it yourself. Musicals are a unique kind of challenge. I know they can't pay you what you're used to-"</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"It's a show </span>
  <em>
    <span>you're</span>
  </em>
  <span> involved in," Gigi teased. "Jackie knows it isn't a high budget affair! Be careful, Jack, this one might not even have a stage!"</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Theatre in the park is valid, Goode," Widow said, rolling her eyes at Gigi. It wasn't uncommon for Widow to invite Jackie and Gigi to shows in abandoned warehouses, parks, or on the street. The way she chose to choreograph whatever touched her spirit always made Jackie a bit envious. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“How do you know they’d even want me?” Jackie interrupted Gigi and Widow. Both women were quick witted and loved to poke fun at each other, but their joke sessions could go on forever if Jackie didn't intervene. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Because you’re Jacqueline Cox and every show you put together is magic,” Gigi pointed out. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Exactly,” Widow nodded enthusiastically. “Your name is your resume at this point. Anyways, our friendship came up in conversation the other day, and the director almost had a coronary. It was like she was meeting a famous person by proxy. I know without getting confirmation that if you want the job, it’s yours.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It could be fun,” Gigi said with a shrug. "It might be nice to do something small and cute."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“A Chorus Line is so dated,” Jackie said while shaking her head.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“The goal is to make it a lot more modern,” Widow insisted.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Why else would Widow be choreographing?” Gigi pointed out. “As much as I love to give her shit, Widow is incredible and she's always very current. If you wanted classic nineteen seventies tap numbers, you wouldn't hire Widow. They clearly wanna give it some pizazz." </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“See?” Widow asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“So a gender-blind, modern take on A Chorus Line?” Jackie clarified.</span>
</p><p>"With your very best friend at the helm of choreography,” Widow said, raising her eyebrows up and down as if to entice Jackie. Gigi laughed and Jackie groaned. Unfortunately, her mind was already starting to come up with ideas for the show. As much as her last show had drained her, Gigi was right. They all knew that Jackie would be back to work soon, and nobody could keep her from the theatre. Not even herself.</p><p>
  <span>“What time do I need to be there Monday?” Jackie sighed. Widow jumped up from her seat, almost knocking over her glass of prosecco in the process. She ran over to where Jackie was sitting and pulled her into a giant hug. Jackie started laughing and hugged Widow back with the same intensity. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’ll get the director to give you a call tomorrow. Oh, Jackie, I am so excited about this show. I have such a good feeling about it, I just know you’re going to bring it all together!” Widow yelled as she squeezed Jackie tightly. Despite herself, Jackie smiled. If Widow was this excited about the production, Jackie was sure it would be interesting at least. It would also be good for her soul to do something more low-key. Still in the shadow of a terrible close, Jackie was excited for a new opening.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>**</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Back in her acting days, there was nothing that Jackie had hated more than auditioning. The whole process was grueling and draining. She spent every second agonizing over whether she was coming off well. Was she too much? Was she not enough? Did they like her? And if they hated her, was it for something she could even control? When she was managing, all of those worries dissipated. It was as Widow had said. Her name was her resume. No auditions were required anymore and usually neither was so much as an interview. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>When Widow made it known that Jackie was interested in stage managing, that was all the team needed. There was more or less no onboarding process. It was just a few calls and a meeting for coffee and contract signing over the weekend between Jackie and the director, an eccentric woman named Roxanne - who only answered to Rock. Widow had said that Rock was excited about Jackie, but that was an under exaggeration. As soon as Jackie had answered their first call, she knew that Rock was extremely enthusiastic about Jackie's presence. First, Jackie had to help Rock process the fact that, yes, Jacqueline Cox wanted to stage manage for her and yes, at a rate that Rock's team could afford. And with each subsequent call, Rock seemed even more ecstatic about the situation, practically begging to hand over aspects of creative control to Jackie. It made Jackie laugh because clearly Rock was young and had a touch of imposter syndrome, looking to check in with Jackie even though they had only spoken a few times. Her youthful earnestness made Jackie feel more genuine excitement about the show. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>The call time for the final day of dance auditions was eight in the morning, but Rock said Jackie could arrive at any time that Monday. Jackie wasn't interested in coming early enough to see the hopefuls warm up, but she did want to watch some of the auditions. As an actor, Jackie had hated auditions passionately. However, as a stage manager, Jackie loved sitting in on the auditions. She loved having a bit of insight into the cast.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It was quarter to nine when Jackie arrived at the theatre. Upon entering the auditorium, she saw that auditions were in full swing, precisely the time she had hoped to arrive. On the stage, a large group of dancers stood behind Widow, who was finishing teaching them a tap combination. Jackie smiled when she met Widow's eye as she approached the front of the theatre. Jackie could see Rock seated in the third row centre, watching the dancers intently. There were a few other people sitting with Rock, but Jackie had yet to meet the rest of the staff, so she elected to sit in the row behind them. Rock waved excitedly as Jackie sat down just behind her.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Ever since sea shanties and jigs had gotten popular on Tik Tok, Widow had been incorporating them into her audition combos. Jackie chuckled quietly when she heard </span>
  <em>
    <span>The Last Shanty </span>
  </em>
  <span>playing. Something Jackie admired about Widow was the way she was able to experiment with genre, whether it be style of dance or style of music. The hip hop infused tap dance to a Canadian sea shanty had Widow's name all over it. And Jackie loved it.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It seemed as though the dancers knew as much of the combo as Widow was going to teach them, because she split them into smaller groups and moved to the side of the stage. She commanded the first group to perform the combo once and stared the music </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"I love this group," Rock turned around to whisper to Jackie while the first group started the tap combo. Jackie nodded excitedly. It was an excellent group of dancers. Rock, Widow, and another woman - who Jackie deduced must have been the casting director - took turns calling for different groups, different dancers, and different steps. Jackie paid close attention, focusing on a different dancer each time. She could tell a lot by watching the way the auditioners furrowed their eyebrows or looked at other dancers from the corner of their eyes. The whole group was hungry and wanted to be in the show. Nobody there was a veteran who expected to be handed a role. Jackie loved to see it.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The rest of the day went very much the same. The dancers learned three more combinations from Widow - ballet, jazz, and a very theatrical mix of dance styles - and the production team watched from their rows. Rock took time to introduce the rest of the staff, but Jackie was too focused on the dancers to remember their names. That would come later. For that day, she just studied. Her only regret about not coming early was that she didn't have a chance to look at anyone's headshots or resumes. Overall, the group that Rock had found was talented. Jackie didn't envy the casting director, because a lot of the things she was noting about the dancers were nitpicks. Final cast would be hard to narrow down. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>No matter what group she was in, however, there was one dancer that Jackie couldn't keep her eyes off. She has very light lavender hair in a high ponytail, and even without purple hair, Jackie would be captivated. Her movements were fluid, and her facials were incredible. Jackie even noticed that when the combinations were up beat, the dancer was mouthing the words subtly to the song. Jackie tried to focus on her footwork and ignore the way her full bust looked under her tight, purple sports bra. Jackie tried to focus on her facial expressions and not the strong thigh muscles that she could see moving under her black athletic leggings. Jackie tried to focus on her rhythm, her timing, the speed at which she picked up the choreography. She also happened to be beautiful. But Jackie was professional.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>And she didn't date actresses anyway.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>**</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Once the auditions were over, Rock brought all the resumes and headshots over to Jackie, so she could put names to faces while the production team spoke. Jackie had joined too late for the vocal auditions, so everyone who Jackie saw dance had already made that cut. Rock was very open to Jackie's opinion and wanted her to share all of her thoughts, but Jackie insisted that she was just there to observe.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>As Widow spoke with Rock and the other members of the crew, Jackie flipped silently through the headshots and resumes. There were a few faces she recognized from shows that she had done before, but she only knew them from ensemble roles. Among the resumes she had, there really wasn't anyone she knew or had worked with in a lead role. It wasn't entirely surprising. Widow tended to choreograph for smaller scale, more niche shows that didn't attract the actors that Jackie usually worked with. A lot of the dancers Jackie watched that day still had a raw edge and spunk that made her excited. The group wasn't tainted by entitlement. It was refreshing. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>It didn't take Jackie to find the headshot of the girl with the lavender hair. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Janet "Jan" Mantione</span>
  </em>
  <span>, read the headshot. The picture was in black and white, but she was unmistakable. The dark eyes, the soft lips formed into a huge smile, the soft cheeks, it was her. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Her resume was impressive. She graduated from a prestigious theatre school less than five years before, and she had already gotten a few good credits. Janet was in the ensemble of </span>
  <em>
    <span>Les Miserables, Thoroughly Modern Millie, Newsies, </span>
  </em>
  <span>and </span>
  <em>
    <span>Little Shop of Horrors. </span>
  </em>
  <span>She also had a long stint as Wendla in a small production of </span>
  <em>
    <span>Spring Awakening</span>
  </em>
  <span>. And none of that was to mention the shows she did in school, all of which she was the lead of. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Who are you stuck on?" Rock asked. Jackie paused and realized that she had been looking at the girl's head shot for far too long. She snapped her attention back to the rest of the world before handing the resume over to Rock.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Janet Mantione. She had the lavender hair," Jackie explained.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Didn't you just love her?" Rock gushed. "I hope you loved her. I wish you'd heard her sing. She's impeccable."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"She picked up everything incredibly fast," Widow said with a nod.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"I think she's my Cassie," Rock said excitedly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"I can see it," Jackie said, trying not to smile. Just because she didn't date actresses didn't mean that she was disinterested in working with the beautiful girl. It was almost as though Widow could hear her thoughts, because she smirked at Jackie. Widow knew Jackie's type. </span>
</p><p>"She is an incredible dancer," Widow said after earning a scowl from Jackie. "I don't think any of us could keep our eyes off of her. She is very striking."</p><p>
  <span>"Oh I'm glad you all agree," said the vocal director, who Jackie learned was named Brita. "That's exactly who I had in mind for Cassie from the first day of the vocal auditions. I worked with her two years ago when I did Newsies. Just a joy to work with, that Janet is."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Jackie, did you want to sit in on the final vocal auditions tomorrow?" Rock asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Of course," Jackie nodded. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"If you have any thoughts or anything-"</span>
</p><p>"I promise, Rock, I'll let you know. But I'm on board with everything you've said so far. I like everyone that you guys like! It's your show. It's my job to make sure that your expectations become reality," Jackie said with a warm smile.</p><p>
  <span>"I've been telling her that," Widow laughed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"But it's just that you're Jacqueline Cox, though!" Rock exclaimed. Widow and Jackie both laughed while Brita rolled her eyes and Rock turned red.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"What Rock means is that it's an honour to work with you, and we are grateful that you're giving our company your time and experience," Brita clarified.</span>
</p><p>"Right," Rock agreed, still bright red.</p><p>
  <span>"The honour is all mine," Jackie said. "Widow spoke so highly of the show and your company that I couldn't say no. I was planning on taking some time off when I spoke to Widow, truth be told. But she was so passionate about your ideas that it made me just as passionate. I know this show is going to be special!"</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Oh Widow! When did you become so sweet?" Brita teased.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Listen, I had to sell this pitch to Jackie </span>
  <em>
    <span>somehow</span>
  </em>
  <span>! I had to pull out the sentimental card," Widow said jokingly. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Well I hope we can produce something that you're excited to have your name attached to," Rock said, a bit of nervousness present in her voice.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Oh don't you worry. I will make sure of it," Jackie said with a smirk. So far, Widow had been right about everything. The vibe of the small theatre company was lovely. The crew were all great, and the director was passionate with a fun and modern vision. And everyone auditioning was talented. Musicals were a unique brand of difficulty for the stage managers, but Jackie found herself getting even more excited as Rock, Brita, and Widow discussed casting. Jackie was never going to take a real break between shows, and she was glad Widow talked her into being there. </span>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. I Can Do That</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Jan meets Jackie informally at her day job. Gigi reminds Jackie why she doesn't date actresses.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>EDIT: There were some major issues when I uploaded this chapter last night. Sometimes the chapter appeared, sometimes it didn’t. So I just deleted it and redid it. Sorry if that was weird!!!!</p><p>I just wanted to say thank you all for the Kudos and comments on the first chapter! I thought this might be a little niche moment while I obsess over the 2006 revival of A Chorus Line and write my classic "ill-advised attraction and sexual relationships" (they say to write what you know haha) So the comments and kudos totally surprised me and made me feel so good!!! I'm so excited about this one.</p><p>This chapter was a blast to write and I did intend on waiting to post it so I kept my promise of weekly updates, but I'm sure too early isn't my worst crime!!!</p><p>Anyway!! I hope you all enjoy!!!</p><p>Cheers!!!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>The strangest part about choosing a life and a career in the performing arts was the collection of skills one comes up with in order to survive. Jan was an incredible dancer, singer, and actress, of course. But she had learned that there were a lot of other talents she possessed. In performing arts school and in her short career up until that point, she had learned how to sew very well. She could french braid like no other, she could paint very realistic leaves if they were required for a set-piece, she was really good at remembering what everyone liked on their sandwiches when she had to pick up orders for a cast, she was the speediest reader she knew, and she was great at mending tap shoes. In order to be useful on set, Jan always was willing to learn new things. All Jan wanted was to be able to work. She would do any strange thing asked of her, and if she couldn't do it, by the next rehearsal she would have learned. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>There were also a lot of other skills that Jan had to learn in order to pursue a career in theatre. Jan was extremely accurate in packaging drive-thru orders, she was a very fast cashier, she was always on time for shifts at any hour of the day, and she was a fantastic barista. Not a lot of jobs were so kind as to give Jan a lot of time off for auditions or to be in a production, so she had to get good at all kinds of part-time work. And interviews. She was really good at making people think that she was the perfect candidate for any job. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>She just wished she could convince directors so easily.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It had been a bit of a dry spell for Jan, bookings wise. After </span>
  <em>
    <span>Spring Awakening</span>
  </em>
  <span> closed, Jan had naively assumed she would have more job offers, if not, at least more auditions. She didn't feel entitled to any roles, but she did believe that she would have at least drummed up a little bit of interest in her after closing a show she was so proud of. It also wasn't as if she was only looking for leading roles! Even if it was a chorus job or a single line in a straight play, she thought that offers would pick up. And that didn’t happen. Jan continued to get the same number of auditions. The same directors told her the same lines about promise and potential. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>But nothing materialized. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>That was partially why Jan was so desperate to get the part in </span>
  <em>
    <span>A Chorus Line</span>
  </em>
  <span>. Her roommate Rosé had worked with the choreographer on a few shows and tipped Jan off about the show. Jan begged her agent to put her up for a role, and finally, Jan had gotten a call for something she felt she could actually book. Rosé had just booked a show herself, or she would have been at the audition right beside Jan. Selfishly, Jan was happy to be going to the audition on her own. Her roommate had been having very good luck at her auditions as of late, and even though Jan was excited about her best friend’s success, it made her ache to be sitting on the couch in the afternoon re-watching BoJack Horseman in her underwear for the fourth time while Rosé headed off to rehearsals. She hadn't had to borrow rent money from Rosé yet, but she was getting pretty fucking close.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Thankfully, Jan knew in her heart that the dry spell was about to end.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>After her final vocal audition for </span>
  <em>
    <span>A Chorus Line</span>
  </em>
  <span>, Jan felt extremely confident that she would be cast in the show. She knew it. Not only did she feel confident in her performance, but she was also really excited about the crew that she met during casting. She had worked on Newsie’s with the vocal director, Brita, so Jan felt especially confident throughout the audition process. Brita had been kind to her, had hooked her up with a new vocal teacher, and she had even had gone for coffee with Jan a few times while the show was up. Jan had been excited to work with Widow on Rosé’s recommendation, and Widow didn’t disappoint. She was unfamiliar with the director, but Rock seemed extremely passionate and it didn’t hurt that she was young - that meant she probably had some unique ideas. And as for the production manager… Well, everyone knew about Jacqueline Cox. She would be an idiot not to want to work with Jacqueline Cox. That woman had the Midas touch when it came to mounting productions. If anything was going to actually be Jan’s big break, it actually could have been this show. This was the one. This was the show.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Initially, Jan had gone out for Sheila, but for her final vocal audition, Brita had asked her to prepare </span>
  <em>
    <span>The Music and the Mirror</span>
  </em>
  <span> rather than Sheila's verse from </span>
  <em>
    <span>At the Ballet</span>
  </em>
  <span>. Jan had been stunned, but the reaction from the crew had Jan assured that she would be in the cast, whether it be Sheila or Zach or Cassie or anyone at all. Rock was a new director who hadn’t developed her poker face yet, so she didn’t hide how impressed she was by Jan. Widow and Brita were much more seasoned, but even they had faces full of joy when Jan sang. Jacqueline was the only one that Jan couldn’t read - but that didn’t matter. Everyone else had given Jan the reactions that she’d been hoping for. It didn’t matter who exactly she was going to play. Jan knew that she was going to be playing someone. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Finally. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jan expected to hear about the cast list the Friday after her final vocal audition. She picked up as many shifts as possible at her current barista gig, The Jumping Bean, to try and make sure that they would honour her request for a leave of absence. Usually, she didn’t have that much luck, but the staff at The Jumping Bean really loved Jan and she had actually made it almost a year at the cafe, so this LOA actually felt promising. A few hours into a nine-hour shift, Jan looked up from the bar that she was cleaning to see a familiar face. Not a face that she knew well, but a face that made her very nervous. Jacqueline Cox had wandered into Jan’s café. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>At first, Jan was sure that Jacqueline didn’t recognize her. After all, why would she? Jan was one of the probably tens of thousands of auditioners that Jacqueline had seen in her life. Trying to keep her cool, Jan walked over from the bar to the register in order to take the order of one of the people that would be in control of whether or not Jan paid her rent that month.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I can help you over here!” Jan sounded as chipper as the dutiful employee that she always tried to be. Jackie hardly looked up from the cellphone she was glued to as she walked over to the counter.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Good morning, can I get a quad shot- oh! Janet!” Jacqueline said, almost sounding excited. Jan’s eyebrows shot up so fast, she wondered if they could possibly fly off of her face. Not only had she made enough of an impression that Jacqueline remembered her, but they were also on a first-name basis… kind of. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah,” Jan said dumbly. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m sorry love, you probably don’t even know remember-”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Don't remember you? Everyone knows who you are, Jacqueline Cox,” Jan said with a small smile. “At least, anyone in my line of work knows exactly who you are. I’m surprised that you know who I am. That’s the real gag here, doll.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You were very memorable,” Jacqueline said with a shrug and a warm smile. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That’s very sweet to say! Thank you,” Jan exclaimed. Perhaps her confidence in her performance had been placed correctly if even Jacqueline, who sat stone face at her audition, liked her.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"I'm not just saying it," Jacqueline remarked. She was definitely divulging too much information, but if she was going to keep the praise coming, Jan wasn't going to stop her. “You were extremely memorable. You are extremely memorable, Janet.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Again, that's very sweet," Jan said warmly. "I'm very much looking forward to the casting. It's such a fun show that I would like to be part of."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Yeah," Jacqueline agreed. Jan was worried that her one-word answer meant that Jacqueline was starting to become disinterested in their conversation. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"I was surprised to see you attached to such a small production," Jan said, not willing to let the conversation end. For some reason, Jan wanted to talk to the older woman all day. Thankfully, the day was slow and nobody was behind Jacqueline in line.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Professionally, sometimes you hit a wall," Jacqueline said lightly. "And I've known the choreographer for nearly one hundred years. She’s one of my dearest friends. So, I thought it would be an exciting opportunity. I just couldn’t do the same shows with the same people. Do you know what I mean?"</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"I don't think I've been in the business long enough to hit a wall. To tell you the truth, it’s been a long time since I’ve done anything professionally," Jan found herself admitting in a case of word-vomit. "I would just like to get enough work to pay rent, at this point. I know this is a small scale show for someone like you, but God, this would be the biggest thing for me. The biggest production I've been in, I mean."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"I've been right there with you," Jacqueline said sympathetically. "But I wasn't a barista when I was a struggling actress. Coffee wasn't quite so trendy way back then. I worked at a movie theatre. I remember being so down on my luck, at one point I was filling up on popcorn because I wasn’t sure if I could afford to eat anything more substantial that week."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m not down that bad. I can pay my rent usually without too much stress, but you know, it gets right sometimes,” Jan assured Jacqueline for some reason. She couldn't stop herself from sharing this with Jacqueline, who just looked at her softly. Why couldn't she shut up? Why did she think that this woman cared about her finances? </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I'm glad,” Jackie said with a nod.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"I didn't realize you were an actress," Jan said, trying to change the subject from her strange display of broke-ness. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Ancient history, love," Jacqueline said with a deep laugh that made Jan feel a bit weak in the knees. Without realizing it, Jan found herself twirling the threads of hair that had escaped her ponytail like a schoolgirl. "I’m far too old to be in the spotlight. Now I get my kicks telling actresses what to do. You'll get there, Janet. You're a talented young girl."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Thank you," Jan said, feeling her cheeks get red.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Do you have a break coming up?” Jacqueline asked. Again, Jan was caught off guard. What exactly did that mean? Was Jacqueline going to offer her a part in the production? Was the beautiful woman maybe… no, Jan didn’t even want to think about that. Sure, she was disgustingly hot. Sure, she was a gorgeous professional with an incredible figure and soft-looking lips, and luscious curls. But of course, Jan wouldn’t do anything to jeopardize her career. She could never look at a woman in Jacqueline’s position like that. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I can have a break,” Jan nodded. “Did you want your quad shot something before I ask if someone could cover the register for me?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I almost forgot the real reason I was here! A quad shot iced Americano,” Jacqueline laughed. “With a little bit of milk.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Coming right up,” Jan said with a nod before charging Jacqueline for the drink. She thought very hard about writing off the drink for Jacqueline, but she didn’t want to come off as though she was trying to bribe her. Jacqueline didn’t seem to expect a free drink either - she instead gave Jan a hefty tip. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>**</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hey, Jacqueline. Sorry that took a lot longer than I expected,” Jan said as she made her way over to the table that Jacqueline was at. Jacqueline had nearly finished her iced drink when Jan finally was able to join her. Jan had a small iced coffee in her hand and she sat down across from Jacqueline. "I had to trade mopping tonight to have an early break.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That’s okay, Janet. I’m flattered that you’d take on the laborious task of mopping in order to have a coffee with me," Jacqueline laughed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"If the one and only Jacqueline Cox asks you to coffee, you go to coffee," Jan said with a smile. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Good. I like obedient girls," Jaqueline said with a smirk. Jan inhaled sharply and found herself chewing on her bottom lip. Was Jacqueline flirting with her? It really felt like it.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"I- I'm… I can be obedient. And a hard worker," Jan said. She was too flustered to form a coherent thought, so Jan found herself in interview mode instead. The nerves seemed to have some kind of effect on Jacqueline, who laughed softly at her retort. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"The audition is over Janet," a smirk still present on Jacqueline's face. "You don't have to sell yourself. I already am interested."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Jan."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Sorry?"</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Just call me Jan," Jan said as she gestured to her name tag. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Then you must call me Jackie," the older woman insisted. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>** </span>
</p><p>
  <span> "I think I've done something very stupid," Jackie said into her phone once she made her way back home. After spending far too much time with Jan at The Jumping Bean, she called Gigi to clear her conscience. “I think I’ve done something very stupid, Gigi, and now I’m going to drown my sorrows in a bottle of red because I am absolutely and positively stupid.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Oh my god, drama!" Gigi exclaimed excitedly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"I spent the afternoon with one of the girls in the show," Jackie explained as she grabbed a bottle of red wine and removed the cork. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"You old whore! Did you sleep with her?" Gigi squealed. Jackie rolled her eyes. Gigi was one of Jackie's best friends, but she was also a gossip hound. Usually, this kind of thing was something that Jackie went to Widow about, but of course, that was impossible. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Absolutely not," Jackie said incredulously.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"That’s too bad!" It was impossible, but Jackie was sure she could hear Gigi's smirk over the phone.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"She's like, twenty-six at best, Goode," Jackie explained.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"So it's like some mommy thing?"</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Gigi, for fucks sake," Jackie huffed, rolling her eyes. “That’s awful. You’re awful.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"I'm teasing! Come on Jack, don't be like that. You know I'm just trying to lighten the mood," Gigi insisted.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Oh, God. I <em>could</em> be her mother," Jackie groaned.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"You would have had her very young though," Gigi teased. "So that's something!"</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"This is why I usually go to Widow for this kind of thing," Jackie chastised.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"But you can't go to Widow if you sleep with one of her dancers, so I guess you're stuck with me!" </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"I didn't sleep with one of her dancers!" </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"So what even happened then? Explain to me why you're freaking out," Gigi asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"I ran into her at her day job, a coffee shop. We were talking and there was definitely something there. Some tension or something. I definitely encouraged it, so that's my fault for sure. She was reciprocating. But I just feel like some cougar now!" Jackie was exasperated, but Gigi had stopped teasing her.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Is this an age thing? Or is it a Vanessa thing?" Gigi asked. There was a reason that Jackie didn't mess with actresses, and Vanessa was that reason. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"It's a lot of things," Jackie sighed. "Age. Vanessa. Power dynamics. It’s wildly inappropriate at best for me to be flirting with a twenty-year-old cast member."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"What if you waited until the production closes to-"</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"I can't pursue a twenty-year-old, purple-haired ingenue," Jackie scoffed. “It’s cliché. It’s gauche.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s Vanessa,” Gigi said.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, falling in love with a younger dancer does feel a bit like her MO,” Jackie agreed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s a Vanessa thing,” Gigi surmised. Vanessa and Jackie were engaged almost ten years prior. Jackie had been enamored with the leading lady in the first show that she was the assistant stage manager of. The girl was bubbly, beautiful, loud, and a lot of fun. The two had a whirlwind romance that started with mending Vanessa’s costumes and ended with Vanessa’s prolonged affair with a dancer named Brooke Lynn. Even nearly a decade later, Jackie just couldn’t understand the why of it all. Why had Vanessa had accepted the proposal? That was the part that burned so deeply. Why had she gone through the whole rigamarole of an engagement and starting to plan a wedding when she had fallen in love with somebody else? </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It will always be a Vanessa thing,” Jackie admitted. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You deserve to be happy though, Jack. Whether or not it’s with this purple girl,” Gigi said sadly. Widow and Gigi were there for the whole unraveling of Jackie's life. Both girls had liked Vanessa when they met her and pictured Jackie having a lovely life with her. They went from Jackie’s bridesmaids to picking Jackie up off the floor when Jackie found the apartment she shared with Vanessa occupied by a young, blonde dancer. “It’s been so many years since Vanessa. And this isn’t me saying that you should just move on because I know it’s not that easy. But you haven’t been with anyone long term since.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I don’t think I could go through that again,” Jackie sighed as she downed the rest of the bottle of wine that she had intended not to finish. "It took me far too long to move on from that. I can't let myself be so destroyed by someone again. You were there. I was a wreck. For so long I was a wreck."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“There’s another option, you know,” Gigi said. “Maybe you don’t have to go through heartbreak again.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s not like I’ve been all alone since.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m not sure random hookups are what I’m talking about,” Gigi said with a somber laugh.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Look, nothing is going to happen between me and Janet of course. It was stupid for me to even entertain it for a second. She’s young and naive and an actress and everything I really need to not get involved with,” Jackie said, more to herself than Gigi. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“But maybe you should be involved with someone?” Gigi said. “A real date? Maybe this is the universe telling you that you’re almost ready to get back into the world of dating and it’s less about some chorus girl.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Leading lady,” Jackie defended instinctively.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Either way,” Gigi shrugged. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Maybe it has been too long,” Jackie mused.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Definitely,” Gigi teased.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“But not with an actress,” Jackie repeated.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Too much drama,” Gigi agreed. “Far too much drama.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m way too old for that kind of shit,” Jackie laughed. </span>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Thank you all for reading!! I appreciate every single one of you making me feel so comfortable sharing my work. It really is so lovely to have a space like this. </p><p>Cheers!!!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. At the Ballet</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Jan and her roommate go for a jog. Jackie shows Jan her favourite place in the world.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Not me posting super ahead of schedule because I'm stupidly excited about this story and am SO happy with this chapter?????</p><p>Thank you all again for such kind feedback!! I'm so excited that you are all taking this ride with me. I am actually so excited that you're reading this when I really thought it was going to be super niche, but you guys always make me feel so excited to post!!!</p><p>Cheers!!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>"Keep up, Jan," Rosé called from almost ten-feet in front of Jan. With a dramatic groan, Jan sprinted to meet up with her best friend. Jan had gotten the call that she would be playing Cassie in <em> A Chorus Line </em> around the same time that Rosé found out she would be playing Helene in a production of <em> Sweet Charity. </em> Jan had as much excitement for her own casting as she did for Rosé's. Her roommate had been working more consistently than Jan had, but this was nearly top billing in a Fosse show that Rosé's sultry voice and long limbs were built for. Any small twinges of jealousy Jan had previously were gone. They had spent weeks practicing their initial audition songs (Jan had convinced Rosé to prepare the final section of <em> All You Wanna Do </em> from <em> Six, </em> while she had chosen <em> Maybe This Time </em> from <em> Cabaret </em>for the drama of it all) and working together to pull together the perfect auditions. The women felt that they shared their victories.</p><p>Since both women were going to be in such dance-heavy shows, Rosé had taken it upon herself to come up with a workout plan that focused on stamina. Much to Jan's displeasure, Rosé's plan was mostly going for very early morning runs. Before the sun came out, Jan and Rosé would make their way to side streets and start jogging while singing. Running while singing was doing wonders for their lungs and their heart rates, but it was murder on Jan's sleep schedule. The morning of Jan's first table read, the women had chosen to work on their breathing while running and singing <em> Home For a Rest </em>by Spirit of the West. It had been Rosé's choice, as she loved the way her voice married Jan's in the song's folksy harmonies. Usually, the roommates ran together, trying to match each other's pace. But as the sun started to rise, Jan realized that she wasn't going to be able to keep up that morning. </p><p>She was too nervous to keep pace with Rosé.</p><p>"Can we take a break?" Jan whined after only a few minutes of jogging while she trailed behind her roommate. Rosé turned around to face Jan, jogging backward with her eyebrow raised quizzically. Jan never wanted to go on the runs, but she never complained while they were running. Stopping their song in order to complain was out of character. </p><p>"You're tired already?" Rosé came to a stop, but started jogging on the spot. She didn't want her heart rate to go down as she let Jan have a minute to catch up.</p><p>"Yes," Jan admitted. Unlike her roommate, Jan had come to a complete stop and she dramatically sat down on the sidewalk. Rosé looked horrified as Jan moved to sprawl out, laying across the sidewalk. </p><p>"Hey, stand up! You don't want your muscles to get stiff! What a great impression that'd make if you walk into the table read doing the robots unintentionally!" Rosé exclaimed, reaching for Jan's hands. Rolling her eyes, Jan took Rosé's hands and leapt up from the ground. </p><p>"I'm sorry, girl. I'm just feeling exhausted. I slept terribly last night," Jan said, electing to stretch out her calves while her best friend continued to jog on the spot. </p><p>"Nerves?" </p><p>"Yeah," Jan agreed. "You know as well as I do that it's been way too long since I've worked. All I can imagine is walking in for the read and making a complete ass of myself and getting fired."</p><p>"That's not going to happen," Rosé said emphatically as she quickened the pace of her jog.</p><p>"How do you know that?"</p><p>"Because that's insane," Rosé said with a smirk. "I can't even imagine what you'd have to do in order to get fired at the table read. As long as you don't bitch slap the director or something, I'm sure you'll be fine."</p><p>"I'm being serious!"</p><p>"So am I," Rosé said. "That's irrational and silly. I know this is a huge deal for you, and you're allowed to be anxious about everything. You know I'm the first one to indulge you in any anxieties that make sense, so you know this one doesn't! You're not going to get fired at a table read."</p><p>"This show needs to go well," Jan said, unsure if she was talking to herself or her best friend. Rosé offered Jan a warm smile and stopped with her jogging on the spot. "I need this to go well for me. I love you for always supporting me, and you know I'd die for you. But I've gotten so insecure lately, watching you head to rehearsals while I lay around. I just want to feel good about what I'm doing."</p><p>"You're one of the most talented people I know, Jan. It's nice that finally some director finally sees it, but I've seen it forever. I'm proud of you. You're not going to blow this. The very worst part of our line of work is sometimes we don't get work and we don't know why. I'm sure half the directors who rejected us didn't even know why, really. Sometimes it's totally out of our control and intangible. But I can tell you for a fact that it's not about you. It's not something you need to feel insecure about. Jan, you're so talented. And I would know. I'm exceptionally talented as well!" Rosé laughed. Jan couldn't help but laugh as well.</p><p>"Thanks, gorg," Jan said. "You're right, I'm being dramatic because I'm nervous."</p><p>"Well, to be fair, I'd be nervous if I had to spend my day putting on a show for that MILF too," Rosé said loudly, laughing and sprinting in the opposite direction from Jan. With a groan, Jan started running after her. Rosé had been in the ensemble of a show Jackie had worked on in the past, and it was safe to say that she shared Jan's fascination with the older woman. </p><p>"I'm not putting on a show for her!" Jan yelled at Rosé as she started to catch up with her. "My nerves have nothing to do with her! I was set on being part of this cast before I knew she was going to be attached!"</p><p>"So mommy's just a perk?" Rosé teased.</p><p>"Do not call her that! How am I supposed to sit with her now that you've put <em> that </em>imagery in my head?" Jan asked, knowing that if her face wasn't already red from running, Rosé's comments would have made her turn the same colour. </p><p>"Oh please," Rosé scoffed. "That's been in your head since she called you her obedient girl."</p><p>"She didn't call me her obedient girl," Jan clarified, rapidly running out of breath. Jogging, filthy thoughts of Jackie and fighting with Rosé were proving to be more taxing on her lungs than their typical singing and jogging escapades. "She said she <em> preferred </em> obedient girls. She implied that I was one."</p><p>"And implied that she wanted to fuck you," Rosé laughed.</p><p>"Sorry, you're going to tease me as if you haven't been obsessing over your costar since you met her?" Jan taunted. Rosé had already had her first read, and she hadn't been able to stop talking about the woman, Denali Foxx, cast to play Nicki in <em>Sweet Charity</em>. In fact, Rosé had spent a whole wine-fueled evening showing Jan all of the girl's pictures on social media. </p><p>"Not the same thing at all!" Rosé sang, still teasing Jan. "I'm a little bit in love with Denali, but I'm not trying to sleep with a sexy older woman who is literally in charge of me! Total MILF fantasy!" </p><p>"I'm not trying to sleep with Jackie," Jan said adamantly. </p><p>"<em> Jackie? </em>"</p><p>"Jacqueline," Jan corrected hastily.</p><p>"Most powerful theatre professional in this town and you're calling her <em> Jackie </em>!"</p><p>"She told me to," Jan said defensively. </p><p>"Because she wants to fuck you," Rosé taunted with a smile. She knew that her roommate had lately had bad luck with work and with women, so if Jan could deal with both issues at once, Rosé just thought it was pragmatic.</p><p>"I'm not getting involved with someone who is technically my boss. That's such a bad idea. I'm not going to go anywhere near that."</p><p>"You say that now," Rosé said.</p><p>"If she actually swings our way-" Jan began before she was interrupted.</p><p>"She swings our way. She's out and proud," Rosé reassured with a smirk. Even though Jan had been trying to prevent thinking about Jackie, the confirmation that she was a lesbian did unleash butterflies in her stomach. </p><p>"Regardless though Rosé, do you think I would be her first choice? She works with actual actresses and dancers and musicians! What do I have to offer someone like her? Jackie is professional. She's an actual grown up. She's super hot. If she actually wanted to be involved with me, it would not only be a terrible idea, but she's way out of my league."</p><p>"God, she is sexy though, isn't she?" Rosé said dreamily. </p><p>"Shut up," Jan squealed as she caught up to Rosé. She was sure to swat Rosé's arm as she finally made her way to keep pace with her friend. </p><p>**</p><p>Throughout her career, Jackie had heard that bad table reads meant excellent opening nights. It was one of the many theatre superstitions that she'd come across, and how she felt about it changed with every table read.  In the case of Rock's rendition of <em> A Chorus Line, </em>Jackie hopes that bad table reads weren't the key to excellent opening nights. </p><p>The table read was one of the easiest ones that Jackie could recall. It was exhausting and a lot of work, but it was simple. Rock was very clear in her direction and made her vision known - much to Jackie's surprise and excitement. She had worried that Rock's imposter syndrome would lead to her feeling in over her head and having no real sense of what she wanted. Apparently, that wasn't going to be an issue. Maybe she had spoken with Brita or Widow about her confidence or maybe it was all a facade. No matter how it came to be, Jackie loved the new and powerful side of the director. Widow and Brita both were clear about what they wanted as well, making Jackie's job as easy as possible. </p><p>That was all to say nothing of the cast. Everyone that was hired to perform in the show was professional. They were young and excited. Jackie loved to see people who actually loved their craft rather than the entitled performers she was used to dealing with in high budget shows. Nobody spoke out of turn, nobody made demands, and everyone listened. Sure, the first quick runs of the songs were awkward, and the chemistry between the actors was weak. But it was day one. Those things could be fixed. All of the intangible things like attitude, excitement, and hunger - the things that couldn't be fixed - were <em> right. </em> </p><p>Jackie was <em> excited </em> for this show.</p><p>It had been so long since Jackie felt genuine joy about a production that she had started to forget what it was like. There was no pit of dread in her stomach. Such a simple read-through was another confirmation that this was where she was meant to be. Jackie knew that she owed Widow a bigger thank you than she could even begin to articulate.</p><p>After the long day of reading, note-taking, planning, and discussion, Jackie was the last one in the theatre. Her plan was to look around and get a feel for the stage, the wings, and the general spatial sense of the place. In most productions, Jackie didn't get a lot of time without other members of the crew to just <em> feel </em>everything out, so this time was almost spiritual for her. The house lights were dim and the stage was still bright from the table read that Rock had insisted take place on the stag itself. The warmth of the lights on Jackie's skin reminded her of everything she loved about live theatre to begin with. She almost was lost in the moment when she heard a door slam open at the back of the house.</p><p>"Hello?" Jackie called out, squinting into the audience. She could make out the silhouette of someone jogging up toward the stage.</p><p>"Hi Jacqueline," a voice called. The closer the person for, the easier it was for Jackie to make out a high purple ponytail. </p><p>The lilac hair reminded Jackie of the real struggle she had during the table read. Everything related to <em> A Chorus Line </em> was easy. Everything related to Jan was difficult. There were many times throughout the read that Jackie looked up and found Jan's beautiful brown eyes looking in her direction. She tried to disguise the way she was chewing on her bottom lip by smiling at Jackie every time. It was endearing. Jan wasn't the first young actress to have some kind of attraction to Jackie. In fact, Jackie knew it happened often enough. But this was the first time that Jackie had wanted to engage with the girl. She had been checking out Jan just as much as Jan had been checking Jackie out, but Jackie had enough sense to be subtle. Jan did not. </p><p>But Jackie didn't date actresses, so it was all irrelevant. </p><p>"Jan, I already told you," Jackie chuckled as Jan made her way up and onto the stage. "Call me Jackie."</p><p>"Sorry," Jan muttered as she made her way toward down-stage centre where Jackie was standing. "It's just a habit. I called Rock <em> Roxanne </em> about one hundred times throughout the audition process."</p><p>"What are you doing here so late, love?" Jackie asked. </p><p>"Left my jacket here, which has my bus pass," Jan sighed. "You already hired me so now I can admit that I'm very forgetful. Like, it's a genuine problem!'</p><p>"Very reassuring thing to hear from my lead actress," Jackie scoffed. A shot of electricity ran through Jan's body when Jackie refered to her as <em>Jackie's. </em></p><p>"Too late," Jan smiled and shrugged at Jackie as she moved to walk past the woman, trying to look unaffected by Jackie's comment. "I'll be out of your hair momentarily, I'm sorry to interrupt. I hate to be annoying while you're working."</p><p>"I'm not doing anything special, please don't worry," Jackie said gently, putting her hand on Jan's shoulder and rubbing her thumb back and forth. She could see Jan's cheeks acquire a deep pink blush from her touch.</p><p>"What are you working on? If I can ask." Jan said after clearing her throat. Jackie slowly moved her hand and gestured to the stage.</p><p>"I'm working on my feelings, Jan!" Jackie exclaimed with a goofy smile on her face. </p><p>"I'm sorry?"</p><p>"This stage is going to be our home for the foreseeable future. If I want to make Rock's plans work, I need to know the stage like the back of my hand. We aren't ready to start marking the stage yet, but I still like some kind of understanding of the place before you actors are here," Jackie explained. She grabbed Jan gently and pushed her until she was standing right down-stage centre, looking into the audience. "This is my favourite place in the world."</p><p>"Right here?" Jan asked softly. She found one of her hands migrating to sit on top of Jackie's which rested on Jan's bicep. Jackie didn't move, allowing Jan to rest her hand softly on Jackie's own.</p><p>"This is where you'll take your final bow," she explained, still lightly holding Jan in place and standing behind her. </p><p>"Intimidating," Jan said quietly.</p><p>"Nonsense," Jackie chuckled. "A talented girl like you? You'll be up here often! There is no reason for you to be intimidated."</p><p>"You're too kind to me," Jan said, feeling her cheeks and chest flush with excitement. Jackie believed in her. Jackie was touching her, singing her praises, making her feel like a star.</p><p>"I think perhaps you just don't see your talent because you're so used to being you," Jackie said lightly, allowing Jan to spin around and meet her gaze. Jan's eyes were wide and her pupils were blown. Despite herself, Jackie found herself smirking. </p><p>"When we were at the coffee shop, I wasn't exaggerating. I haven't worked in a while. And I've never worked consistently," Jan explained.</p><p>"The credits on your resume are impressive," Jackie pointed out.</p><p>"But scattered and inconsistent," Jan countered. </p><p>"It only takes one performance to change everything," Jackie continued to gently fight back. </p><p>"What was your show? The one that changed everything for you." Jan asked softly.</p><p>"For acting or for stage managing?"</p><p>"Both," Jan shrugged. Jan was hoping to give off the air that she was flippant about the conversation, but she was earnestly curious. She desperately wanted to know more about Jackie. The woman was so interesting to Jan. Internally she has partially formed a world in which she and Jackie could at least be friends. </p><p>"Well let's see. That part of my life was so long ago. As an actress I started working consistently after I was in the Scottish play," Jackie said. Her superstition made Jan laugh. But imagining Jackie as Lady Macbeth set Jan's insides on fire.</p><p>"A Shakespearian actress at that," Jan said with a smile. Jackie continued to impress her at every turn.</p><p>"Well considering I was alive in Shakespeare's time," Jackie said drily, making Jan laugh loudly. </p><p>"You're not exactly ancient!"</p><p>"Compared to you kids," Jackie shrugged.</p><p>"I don't think that the age difference matters, Jackie," Jan said. She allowed the subtext to sit heavy in the air. Jackie knew what Jan was implying, but she couldn't take the bait. Even though she desperately wanted to.</p><p>"<em> Little Shop of Horrors," </em>Jackie blurted out after the tense silence had gone on too long.</p><p>"I'm sorry?" Jan said, jumping a little. Inadvertently, Jan had been lost in the moment and Jackie breaking the tension startled Jan. </p><p>"That was my other big show. I was an assistant production director. My acting career felt like it had run its course, so I had applied on a whim. It was a whole new world for me. I had done a bit of production design in college, but didn't realize how much I would end up loving it," Jackie explained to an eager and attentive Jan. </p><p>"What a show to start your production career with! That show is a hell of a thing to put on for the crew," Jan said. </p><p>"It was incredible, it completely changed my life," Jackie said. She left out the part about her ex-fiance, feeling like Jan didn't need to hear the sob story. It would have killed the mood… whatever the mood they were dealing with was. </p><p>"I hope that this is <em> my </em> show," Jan breathed. </p><p>"I believe in you Jan," Jackie said.</p><p>"That's so lovely for you to say," Jan gushed.</p><p>"It's true. You're an incredible dancer and vocalist. Love, it's going to be an honour one day to tell everyone that I knew before you made your mark on theatre history." Jackie was never this familiar or friendly with her actors. But she was still so drawn to the beautiful ingenue. As Jan looked up at her honestly, earnestly, and with eyes full of lust, Jackie had to fight the urge to lean in and kiss the beautiful woman.</p><p>Jan wasn't as good at figuring the urge, apparently, because she closed her eyes and leaned in slowly. Jackie wanted nothing more than to capture Jan's lips with her own, tangle her fingers in purple hair, and feel the dancer's long legs wrapped around her. </p><p>"Jan," Jackie said quietly but sternly as she took a step away from the girl.</p><p>"I-"</p><p>"You've probably missed your bus," she said with a chuckle, trying to make sure Jan didn't feel embarrassed for the rejection. </p><p>"Yeah," Jan said, sounding disheartened. </p><p>"How about I take you home, love?"</p><p>"I don't want to be a bother," Jan said as she shook her head.</p><p>"I insist," Jackie said, taking Jan's hand in hers and squeezing it gently and affectionately. No matter how inappropriate her thoughts about the younger girl were, she didn't want to think of her sitting alone for an hour for the next bus to arrive. </p><p>"Well, if you insist," Jan said with a small smile. The signals she was receiving from Jackie were mixed, but she didn't want their tenure together to end for the evening. She still wanted to be around Jackie.</p><p>The two women left the building together, making quiet conversation, wondering if leaving together was a mistake in the making. </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Let me know your thoughts if you like!! Thank you for the Kudos and love and thank you all for reading!!!!</p><p>Cheers!!!!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. Sing!</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>The aftermath of the first table read hangs heavily in the air as Jackie tries to drive Jan home.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Lockdown 2: Electric Boogaloo is over in my life so I've been really wildly busy with life, so I'm totally sorry. Updates are gonna be irregular for the time being but!!!! I'm stupid excited about this chapter and am so excited for y'all to read it!! </p><p>Thank you for all following this silly, niche story!!! </p><p>Cheers!!!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>Jackie had assumed that driving Jan home after refusing her advance would be extremely awkward. Initially she was sure that Jan would end up turning down the ride. But that wasn't the case. It relieved her greatly when the girl was extremely chatty for the duration of the ride, and that she kept the conversation on their mutual theatre interests rather than their not-kiss. Jan offered small insights into herself (her grandmother's love of Shirley Bassey's </span>
  <em>
    <span>Songs From the Shows</span>
  </em>
  <span> introduced her to the songs of popular musicals and the rest was history), but kept the conversation focused and semi-professional. Being a semi newcomer to the industry meant Jan had limitless questions. Jackie was more than happy to let Jan pick her brain about the industry as a whole rather than think about her lapse in judgement.</span>
</p><p>Or... her continued lapses in judgement. Because as much as she tried to convince herself she was being kind and offering Jan a ride home, Jackie had never driven anyone else home from rehearsals before. This wasn't the first young upstart that Jackie had ever met who either didn't drive or couldn't afford a car, and she was never so compelled to play chauffeur before. It was more than the altruism she tried to tell herself it was. </p><p>
  <span>As Jackie watched Jan's animated, beautiful face, she found herself wondering if Gigi had been right. Perhaps this was more of an issue of loneliness than anything else. It had been so long since she had been with Vanessa, and that was her last and only meaningful long term relationship. On a fundamental level, flings and hookups maybe weren't cutting it for Jackie anymore. She was in her forties and was set in her ways, acutely aware that she didn't need another person to feel complete. But maybe she </span>
  <em>
    <span>wanted </span>
  </em>
  <span>another person. The idea of a woman to drink a glass of wine with after a long day, to talk about whatever books they were reading, to vent to, to bake for while they listen to some original cast recording… it all sounded picturesque. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jackie </span>
  <em>
    <span>was</span>
  </em>
  <span> lonely. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Just left up ahead," Jan said softly, interrupting Jackie's wandering mind. Jackie had already programmed Jan's address into her GPS, so she found it endearing that Jan still pointed out where she needed to go.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Perfect," Jackie said with a smile.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"I can drive, you know," Jan said, almost defensively.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Okay?" Jackie said, surprised.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"I just… I didn't want you to think I can't," Jan mumbled. Jackie could hear what Jan was implying. It was the age thing.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"My struggling actress days were sustained by public transport," Jackie said with a chuckle. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Exactly," Jan nodded enthusiastically. "I didn't want you to think I was some kid who can't drive. I wanted you to know-"</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"You're some kid who can't afford a car," Jackie said with a smirk. Jan's face twisted into a scowl very quickly. Unable to stop herself, Jackie chuckled at the petulant way Jan's eyebrows scrunched up at her comment. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"You're not</span>
  <em>
    <span> wrong,</span>
  </em>
  <span>" Jan said, rolling her eyes.</span>
</p><p>"Again, love, I've been there." Since she was still new to Jan's personality, Jackie decided to stop teasing her, not sure how much teasing was okay yet. "It was a very long time ago, but not foregone from my memory. I struggled to afford a bus pass some months, let alone a car and all of its paraphernalia."</p><p>
  <span>"I don't think it was that long ago," Jan said with a laugh. "You imply that you're like, seventy years old."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Last I checked, you're not privy to my age," Jackie said with a smirk. "Perhaps I have a fantastic moisturizing routine."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"You think I didn't Google you?" Jan laughed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Do you perform a background check on every stage manager you work with?" Jackie asked with a chuckle.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Only the hot ones," Jan said flirtatiously. Jackie hit the breaks a bit too hard as they pulled up to Jan's apartment building. Despite her bravado in the way she spoke, Jackie noticed how pink Jan's cheeks had become after her comment. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Janet," Jackie said cautiously.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"My roommate has rehearsal until late," Jan said boldly, but still flushed. She met Jackie's eyes, but still was obviously fiddling with her hands. The brazen, nerve-filled implication hung heavily in the air.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Is that so?" Jackie was stricken dumb by Jan. The beautiful woman held eye contact with Jackie, breathing deeply. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"I'd be surprised if she came home tonight at all," Jan said nonchalantly.</span>
</p><p>"Tech week?"</p><p>
  <span>"No, I think she's gonna be in her co-stars bed tonight," Jan said. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Actresses," Jackie said with an uncomfortable laugh.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"You… you could come up for a drink or something," Jan said with a shrug. "If we're going to be working together it's probably really good if we get to know each other."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Are you intending to get to know every member of the cast and crew?" Jackie asked drily.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Only the hot ones," Jan said wryly. Her fiddling stopped and her gaze was more lustful and less anxiety-filled. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"You are something else," Jackie said, shaking her head.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"That's not a no," Jan pointed out.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"It's not," Jackie agreed as she weighed her options. Going upstairs with Jan was exactly what she wanted to do. But Jan had at least one roommate working in their shared industry, and even if they were just sharing an innocent drink, that wouldn't optically be a good idea. She could turn Jan down again, but no mater how inappropriate her feelings for the young actress were, she just couldn't bring herself to say no. Gigi was right: Jackie was lonely. And she wanted the company of the lilac haired ingenue. But she absolutely didn't want to be interrupted by anyone else. No matter how clean their friendship was, it didn't look good.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>And realistically, Jackie knew the lust between the two meant it wouldn't stay clean for long.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"So?"</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Let's have this drink at my house," Jackie tried to say calmly. The anticipation was leaking into her voice and Jan could feel it. It earned a small smirk from Jan. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Deal."</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>**</span>
</p><p>
  <span>For the majority of Jan's life, she had only achieved anything when she decided to. There were no moments of accidental success or things being handed to her: everything good that happened to Janet Mantione was something that she had chosen. She had chosen to put endless hours into her dance classes and vocal lessons. She had chosen to work enough jobs she hated to pay for school in order to reach for her dreams. She had chosen to stop wallowing after failed auditions and put her heart and soul into her audition for </span>
  <em>
    <span>A Chorus Line. </span>
  </em>
  <span>And that night, even though she felt herself flushing deep red with every pass she made at Jackie, she had chosen to go for the older woman.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jan couldn't help but feel pride as she drank a second glass of red wine in Jackie's fancy condo. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>From the moment she entered the condo, Jan could tell her experience with Jackie would be different than her previous experience with women. The maturity difference was vast and obvious. Jackie hung up Jan's coat for her and had to use a corkscrew to open the wine that she offered Jan. It was a far cry from mindlessly making out in the crowded hallway of some girl's (or for that matter, her own) messy apartment and draining the cheapest wine known to man. Not that Jan liked the wine Jackie gave her: it was extremely dry. But it was obviously expensive, and Jackie had opened it for her, so she was going to drink as much as she was offered.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Especially because the more wine she drank, the less nervous she was to be in Jackie's company.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Once the two had settled into Jackie's luxurious, very un-lived-in living room, the conversation flowed very easily. The women of course had a lot in common, but Jackie had lived a fascinating life, so Jan was excited to be regaled with stories. It surprised Jan how quickly the professional demeanour had disappeared. The woman who sat stone faced during her audition and quickly shut down her advance on the stage was gesticulating so wildly that her wine threatened to spill, as she told embarrassing stories of her mic being hot while swearing about being too sweaty to get into a costume during a quick change. Jacqueline Cox had been left at the theatre. This was just Jackie. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>And Jan couldn't get enough of either iteration. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"I must say," Jackie said after a peaceful pause in their conversations. Her cheeks were starting to turn pink as she finished a second glass of the wine that Jan hated. "I had my reservations, but tonight has been just delightful, Janet. I'm very glad you suggested having a drink. I often get too buried in my work to remember to laugh and that life exists outside of the stage. It's been lovely having you here."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"You must say that to all the women you bring home," Jan said with a smirk.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Oh yes," Jackie scoffed. "</span>
  <em>
    <span>All </span>
  </em>
  <span>of them."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Don't be facetious," Jan laughed. "I know for a fact that there are many actresses who would love to spend their evenings with you."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"I tend to avoid the company of actresses," Jackie said. Jan scrunched up her face, noting a hint of bitterness in Jackie's voice.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Why's that?"</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"It's a very long story," Jackie said, clamming up when she realized how candid she was almost being.</span>
</p><p>''I've got time," Jan continued.</p><p>
  <span>"Let's not ruin a good night," Jackie said with finality. Jan nodded, not wanting to push her boundaries. She was enjoying her night with Jackie greatly, and they didn't know each other well enough to press the issue. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Does that mean I'm the only actress you've brought up here?" Jan said, changing the tone from somber to suggestive. For the beginning of the night, Jackie and Jan had taken up residence on different couches, but Jan used that moment to make her way over to Jackie's couch and sit closer to her. She almost expected Jackie to move away, but she stayed in her spot.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Does that make you feel special?"</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Surprised," Jan countered. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"I very seldom mix business and pleasure," Jackie said, letting the final word of her sentence sit heavily in the air. Jan breathed in sharply as Jackie smirked and moved one of her hands to Jan's thigh. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Pleasure?"</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Is that a request?" Jackie asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"I wasn't sure that you'd wanted me," Jan pointed out, letting Jackie know that she was uncomfortable with the mixed signals.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"</span>
  <em>
    <span>Wanting </span>
  </em>
  <span>you has never been the issue," Jackie said earnestly. "Wanting </span>
  <em>
    <span>you</span>
  </em>
  <span> has been the issue."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"What?"</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"This is wildly inappropriate and crosses every single professional line I've ever tried to create," Jackie said softly as Jan moved to straddle her. For a few seconds, Jan sat still, holding Jackie's face in both of her hands. They held eye contact as their respective heart rates increased.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"It is very inappropriate," Jan agreed, but she continued to sit in Jackie's lap.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"I'm far too old to be involved with you," Jackie said, her voice barely above a whisper.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"You're more or less my boss," Jan pointed out.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"This is a terrible idea," Jackie said, as she started to close the gap between her lips and Jan's.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Oh, definitely," Jan agreed again, but she moved her face closer to Jackie's as well.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"I've wanted to bury my face between your legs since the first time I saw you," Jackie said, eliciting a moan from Jan. It would be extremely validating to know that </span>
  <em>
    <span>the</span>
  </em>
  <span> Jacqueline Cox had wanted her this whole time, if she wasn't so focused on the fact that Jacqueline Cox wanted her this </span>
  <em>
    <span>badly. </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>"Oh fuck, Jackie," Jan said, finally capturing Jackie's lips with her own. Jackie kissed Jan back ferociously, tugging on Jan's bottom lips with her teeth. Unconsciously, due to feeling overwhelmingly aroused, Jan found her hips grinding down on Jackie's thigh.  </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Eager," Jackie commented as the grinding continued and Jan started to lift the sweater that Jackie had changed into earlier in the night. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"You have no idea," Jan groaned. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"I think I have an idea," Jackie growled as she grabbed Jan's ass with all of the force she could administer. Jan would have been embarrassed by the squeal that the grab had drawn from her throat in any other circumstance, but it only seemed to encourage Jackie. She rose from where she was sitting, carrying Jan with her, finally settling on pinning Jan against the wall. It hadn't taken very long, but Jan was so overstimulated that she was already panting.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Jackie," Jan moaned as the kisses continued, moving from her lips to her collar bone to her neck to the breasts that Jackie had gotten out of her top and bra almost before Jan had even noticed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Yes, love?" Jackie asked coyly. Her hands dug harshly into Jan's hips as she held her against the wall.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"No hickies!" Jan said sternly between whimpers. The directness of her tone made Jackie stop to laugh out loud. She rested her forehead on Jan's, threatening to kill the mood as she laughed at what Jan said. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"No hickies," Jackie promised. This was her first major indiscretion in her career, she didn't want any evidence on Jan's neck. Instead, she focused all her mouth's attention on Jan's breasts, kissing, sucking, and biting almost to the point of pain.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"More," Jan whimpered as she tried not to yell out.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"More?"</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Fuck, make it hurt," Jan whined as Jackie bit down on her skin, fully aware that this action would leave a dark bruise. But this bruise wouldn't be on display in rehearsal, so neither woman could find it in themselves to care. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"I'm taking you to bed and I'm going to fuck you," Jackie said pointedly, but still looking at Jan to give her full consent. In response, Jan nodded excitedly, tightening her grip on Jackie. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Please," Jan begged.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>**</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jan insisted that she didn't want to spend the night at Jackie's condo, even though she couldn't have wanted anything more. Instead, once both women agreed that they were going to keep things light and casual, Jan called herself an Uber. Jackie's bed had been very comfortable, and Jackie had sufficiently wrecked her, but Jan wanted to abide by their only rule.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>And a sleepover didn't sound casual.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It was late by the time that Jan tried to get into her apartment quietly. Much to Jan's surprise, Rosé didn't spend the night with Denali, so she beat Jan home. In case Rosé was asleep, Jan tried to sneak into the apartment quietly, and opted not to turn on any lights. Her efforts were in vein however, because Rosé was sitting in their shared living room, waiting up for Jan.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"You dirty slut," Rosé chastised with a smirk.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Didn't seal the deal with Denali tonight?" Jan asked, trying to evade the questioning that was coming. When she knew she'd be late, she had warned Rosé, but she had left out critical details. However, coming home late, half wine-drunk in an Uber with her makeup ruined and looking disheveled had obviously let Rosé know what happened. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"I'm playing the long game with her!" Rosé said, offended. "I'm not trying to just seal the deal with her. I'm head over heels in love with her, Janet! That takes time to brew, gorg."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Right," Jan agreed hastily. "Well, I'm gonna head to-"</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"As </span>
  <em>
    <span>if </span>
  </em>
  <span>you're going to do the walk of shame into our apartment and not give me any details," Rosé chastised. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Presumptuous," Jan sighed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"You look like a hot, freshly fucked mess," Rosé pointed out. Jan's reflection in their entrance way mirror confirmed Rosé's assessment. Jan's cheeks were red, her eye makeup was a disaster, and her lips were swollen. There was no use denying it or playing coy with her best friend. Rosé knew Jan way too well.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"I'm a hot, freshly fucked mess," Jan admitted as she went to sit beside Rosé. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Girl!" Rosé squealed excitedly. "I'm so proud. Your dry spell is over!"</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Yep," Jan laughed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Who though? Like you had your table read and-" Rosé started as realization dawned on her. Her jaw dropped as she looked at Jan with complete surprise on her face. "No fucking way."</span>
</p><p>"Fucking way," Jan admitted.</p><p>
  <span>"Absolutely not," Rosé jumped up from her seat and started pacing. Her hyperactive combination of excitement and disbelief made Jan giggle. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Absolutely," Jan said.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"I </span>
  <em>
    <span>told</span>
  </em>
  <span> you! Oh my god I told you </span>
  <em>
    <span>this morning </span>
  </em>
  <span>that Jacqueline Cox wanted to fuck you! But you said no, you said you were too plain and too Jan and too whatever! Oh no, she says! No Rosé, she isn't into me! And now look at you, you big old slut!" Rosé had never hesitated to point out when Jan was wrong, and it always got an eye roll out of Jan. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"You were right," Jan conceded. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Was it good?"</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Mind-blowing," Jan admitted. "Like, I can't even explain it to you. It was the best sex I've ever had."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Well, shit, maybe I need to get myself a mommy," Rosé mused, earning a gasp and playful slap from Jan. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"She isn't my </span>
  <em>
    <span>mommy</span>
  </em>
  <span>," Jan pointed out. "But I think we might do it again. Because Jackie definitely enjoyed herself too."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Are you guys like-"</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"No, we can't do anything else. This is already bad enough for our careers," Jan said, shaking her head. "That's why I came home tonight. We have to have </span>
  <em>
    <span>some </span>
  </em>
  <span>boundaries."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"That's probably healthy," Rosé said with a shrug. "Have your cake and eat her too."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Oh my god, Rosé!"</span>
</p><p> </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Thank you all so much for reading!!! I'm going to try and answer all the lovely messages and reply to every comment on this and It's Just Medicine by the end of the day! </p><p>Cheers!!!!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0005"><h2>5. Hello Twelve, Hello Thirteen, Hello Love</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Widow finds out about Jackie's indescression and her opinion on the matter surprises Jackie.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>This is definitely a longer one because I got way too excited writing this one!!</p><p>Thank you as always for the kindness and the warm reception this fic has gotten! Once this one wraps I definitely have the Rosé/Denali Sweet Charity counterpart in the works!</p><p>Anyway, I hope you all enjoy!!</p><p>Cheers!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>Widow knew. </span>
</p><p>From the moment Jackie arrived at the rehearsal after she slept with Jan, the way that Widow looked at her and spoke to her made it apparent that she knew what happened between her and Jan. Jackie had opted to not tell Widow about the situation of course, but she had also decided not to tell Gigi. Even though she enjoyed every moment she'd spent with Jan - and only regretted that she didn't demand the woman spend the night so they could engage in an encore performance - she still felt uncomfortable. Both the age difference and the power imbalance she had with Jan made Jackie unwilling to share.</p><p>
  <span>But Widow </span>
  <em>
    <span>knew.</span>
  </em>
  
</p><p>
  <span>To her credit, Jan was much more discreet than Jackie had expected. During the table read, Jan was making heart eyes at Jackie and clearly staring, but at that rehearsal, Jan kept her distance. She didn't speak much with Jackie at all, spending a lot of the day with Brita and Rock, starting to work on the ensemble songs. Jackie had also been busy with tasks that didn’t involve Jan, but Jackie was a lot better initially at ignoring their attraction. For the whole day, the two women avoided any shared eye contact and all possible conversations. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>But maybe that was what Widow picked up on.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Widow knew Jackie well enough to instantly know that from day one, Jackie was attracted to Jan. And she also knew Jackie well enough to know that many young actresses and crew members had been infatuated with Jackie in the past. Those feelings usually petered out when they realized that Jackie was extremely tough to please and tough as a stage manager, but it usually took a while for the crushes to dissipate. Widow herself had dealt with young performers having crushes on her or being attracted to her - people did love powerful women - so she expected Jan to keep making eyes at Jackie. Maybe Jan was trying way too hard to be casual.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Regardless though, Widow knew. And Jackie knew that Widow knew. So when Widow asked if Jackie wanted to take a walk to get a coffee when the two had a break, Jackie was apprehensive. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"So," Widow said when they had their coffees and started walking back to the theatre. "Are you glad you signed on for this yet?"</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Definitely," Jackie said with a nod. "Everyone is so talented. And I'm excited to not be dealing with egos."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"I missed doing shows with you," Widow said earnestly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"I missed doing shows with you too," Jackie agreed. "It's been far too long. We work well together."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"You know, I didn't think that I would be able to get you on board with this one. Gigi was the one who convinced me to even ask you," Widow reminisced.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Oh?"</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"You haven't done a show with me in years. I was genuinely starting to be worried that it was something to do with me. Realistically, I know that if there was some kind of issue, you would have told me. We’re always up front with each other. But there was this nagging worry I had. Almost talked myself out of approaching you about this," Widow explained. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"That is all completely independent of you, Widow. Without question, you are the most talented choreographer that I have ever worked with. You breathe more life into shows than anyone else I know. The work you do is memorable and transformative," Jackie said passionately. "There have been many times now that I've seen a piece you were involved in and wished that I'd gotten attached. Even shows that I didn't get to see, just ones you explained the concepts of, I have often been jealous of the shows you worked on."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Jackie, do you think that maybe you limit yourself?" Widow began. "You pick the things that you think you should do. Over the last decade I've seen you get into such a rut. That's the other reason I didn't think you'd take this job. It's outside the same few shows and directors."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"I was so deep in my rut that I didn't even realize I was in it until I saw you work here," Jackie admitted. “But you’re right. I’ve been in a rut now for a while. I think my whole life at some point got into this linear moment. There’s no clear distinction between work and life. My work is always good, but this is the first time I’ve felt </span>
  <em>
    <span>passion</span>
  </em>
  <span> in a while. Right from watching you teach the combos at the auditions. I appreciate you helping me find that light inside me again.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“The light’s always been there. You couldn’t do the work you do without at least some light. But it’s nice to see it </span>
  <em>
    <span>burning</span>
  </em>
  <span> again. And burning so bright. I don’t think you can give all the credit to me, though,” Widow said with a laugh.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, everyone here is really inspiring me,” Jackie agreed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"This is a great company. Hopefully we can continue to work with them. I would love to see more of Rock's visions come to life. She has so many fun and quirky ideas that I think would be really interesting to choreograph. And I would like to work with you more often," Widow said.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Yeah, that would be lovely."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"As long as you don't cause too much drama, getting involved with actresses the way you are," Widow said, partially sarcastically but mostly with a tone of pointed accusation.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"What?" Jackie asked. She knew Widow knew, but she thought that their discussion of work had gotten them away from Jan. The comfort of reminiscing and hope for future shows had almost completely dissipated her worry that Widow would approach her about her fling. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Don't," Widow said with a scoff. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"How do you do that? You know everything!"</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Not true," Widow disagreed. "I don't know </span>
  <em>
    <span>exactly </span>
  </em>
  <span>what happened. But I know you. I know something happened with you and Janet. I know what I think happened, but what I think happened is so out of character that I almost don't think what I think."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"That's a terrible sentence," Jackie laughed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Did you sleep with Janet?"</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Yeah, I did," Jackie said with a small nod.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Fuck," Widow said.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"I know."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Well, as your best friend, I'm glad to hear that someone finally dusted the cobwebs off," Widow said with a smirk.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Excuse you," Jackie cackled.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"But why this show? Of all the girls who've wanted to fuck you! Every ingenue with mommy issues is drawn to you, and you have to pick her? I gave you a reference and now you're getting inside all of the performers!" Jackie knew that Widow was partially joking, but the emphasis was on partially. Her name was linked to Widow's, and thus their professional reputations were linked as well. They both knew that Jackie was impeccable at her job, but if her time with Jan was made public, everyone involved would be scrutinized - and Widow would be involved in the scrutinizing.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"I'm genuinely very sorry."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Don't apololie to me," Widow said with a wide smile.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"No, I'm being genuine," Jackie laughed. "You've already said it, you know me. So you know that this isn't a </span>
  <em>
    <span>thing</span>
  </em>
  <span> I do."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"I'm honored that you picked my show to start fucking the cast" Widow said, rolling her eyes. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Widow," Jackie began.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"I know, too far," Widow sighed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"You aren't wrong," Jackie agreed. "I can't explain it. There's something about Jan. I find myself very drawn to her. She's a talent. She's so beautiful, inexplicably so."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"You like her," Widow surmised.</span>
</p><p>"I would much prefer to not, but I find myself very fond of her," Jackie said.</p><p>
  <span>"I guess I can't be too mad at you if you actually like her or are interested in dating her or something," Widow said.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Dating her? I didn't say that," Jackie said defensively.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"She isn't Vanessa," Widow pointed out.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"I know!"</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"I'm reminding you. Look, don't go ruining all of our reputations by fucking the whole cast, but don't ruin your own happiness by not going after the girl if you're into her," Widow said.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"It's not appropriate to start dating Jan during the show," Jackie said.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Neither is it appropriate for you to have sex with her," Widow laughed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Point taken," Jackie laughed while shrugging. She was happy to know that Widow wasn't angry with her, but it upset her to talk about dating. Whether or not she was feeling lonely, even years later, her ex-fiance still burned. As wonderful as Jan seemed to be, Jackie knew that it was neither a good idea for them to date, nor did she believe she could get over her fears in order to be a good partner for Jan. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Vanessa took a lot from you, Jackie. If you actually like this girl, or if you actually are interested in any girl for that matter, don’t let her keep taking things from you. You got out of a rut with your job by taking a chance and doing something a little bit different. Maybe that’s what you need to do in your love life too,” Widow suggested, patting Jackie on the shoulder gently.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’ll think about it,” Jackie agreed, and she really thought she would.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Even if it isn’t Janet,” Widow said.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You are probably right. Thank you, Widow.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>*</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Jackie was used to being the last one to leave the theatre. Most shows that she was involved in, she was accustomed to being the one who stuck around the latest. Not only was she just a genuinely busy person, but being in the theatre itself was often inspiring. She much preferred to do any of her work immersed in the essence of the theatre. A lot of correspondence or discussion with producers could be done from home, from an office, or even from a coffee shop. But Jackie felt more at home in the theatre than anywhere else in the world. It was her office: her home. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jackie was used to being the last one to leave the theatre. But when it came to </span>
  <em>
    <span>A Chorus Line</span>
  </em>
  <span>, Jackie was never the very last one to leave. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Because Jan had started to wait around with her every night.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It started the first rehearsal after they’d slept together. After her very positive conversation with Widow, Jackie had spent the night on the phone with all the different producers of the show, discussing funding. Jan had ended up staying late with Brita, just playing around with the piano together to work on the vocal arrangements of </span>
  <em>
    <span>The Music and The Mirror</span>
  </em>
  <span>. But when Brita decided to head home, Jan did not. She ended up sitting with Jackie while she made phone calls, chattering in between calls, and just being in each other's presence. Jackie liked the company, and had initially just written it off as Jan not wanting to go home to an empty apartment while her roommate was at rehearsal. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>But it kept happening. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Every night, once everyone was gone, Jan found Jackie and asked if she wanted company. They both already knew the answer, but Jan asked every time. Even when their quiet, after work hang outs had gone on for a full week of rehearsals, Jan still made sure to check in.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Want company tonight?" Jan asked. It was their fifth night in a row of hanging out, and Jackie had been looking forward to hearing Jan ask her simple question all day. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"I'm sure that would be lovely, thank you Jan," Jackie said brightly. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Widow really killed us with the </span>
  <em>
    <span>I Hope I Get It </span>
  </em>
  <span>choreo today, so I might just lay on the floor and cry," Jan said as she dramatically flopped onto the cold, wooden floor of the stage. Jackie chuckled to herself from the makeshift desk she had put together down-stage right, where she liked to work.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"You look very tired," Jackie said.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"But still cute, right?" Jan asked as she popped her head up slowly trying to meet Jackie's eyes. The older woman didn't take her eyes away from the laptop she was typing on to give Jan any satisfaction.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Tired and very sweaty," Jackie smirked, still typing away.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Rude," Jan said, plunking her head back down, still laying flat out on the floor. "What are you working on today?"</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Well," Jackie began, finally deciding to look in Jan's direction. "We've secured more finances than Rock had expected, so I've talked her into allocating a bit more of the budget to advertising. It's early to be talking about this, but I'd like to get started. It's a great production and should draw a big crowd."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"That's exciting," Jan said.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"My main job and difficulty going forward is going to be convincing Rock to think a bit more upscale. She seems to just want to keep everything low key. Everyone involved deserves more. I don't think she expected me to be able to pull more producers and funding into the show," Jackie explained.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"She probably thought you'd be able to," Jan disagreed. "You're literally Jacqueline Cox. But she probably didn't want to get her hopes up. This was the biggest thing under her belt even before you, so now it's just growing. Maybe she doesn't know how to think upscale and big yet, rather than needing to be convinced."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"You know, you're probably correct."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"This is so new to her," Jan reiterated. "Brita said that the last show Rock did she was the AD for, and they basically had flyers at some coffee shops and local businesses for advertising. Money is a new resource for Rock."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Oh, well now I feel bad!" Jackie put her head in her hands and sighed. It had been too long since money was a concern for Jackie's shows. Her biases had informed her thoughts about Rock, and it wasn't good.  </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"I mean, don't feel bad! Just keep it in mind. She's never done like, a print campaign or radio or got anything on local news or had the money for someone to hire a social media coordinator. It's not reluctance, probably more inexperience," Jan said. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"This is the first show in such a long time where I'm not battling egos and petulance and reluctance," Jackie said. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Totally," Jan nodded. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"I'm going to set up some interviews for a social media manager for the company," Jackie said with finality. "Someone creative and young that will get Rock feeling more comfortable with this outreach and it'll help the whole company grow. Thank you, Janet. This wouldn't have occurred to me without your insight."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"It's like Hanlon's razor, gorg," Jan said. "Don't assume malice when stupidity is also a valid explanation. Except instead of stupidity in this case, it's broke-ness. Do you think there's a razor for that? Never assume malice or disinterest when having no money is a valid explanation."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"That can be Jan's razor," Jackie said with a soft chuckle.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"It's like, do you watch Queer Eye?" Jan asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"I know the gist, but-"</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"You don't watch anything, do you?"</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"I'm not much into television," Jackie shrugged.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Either way, whenever I watch Queer Eye, I love it and I get all emotional. But a lot of the time, people having a messy house or a boring wardrobe or not good skin care, it's not 'cause they don't want it. It's 'cause they don't have money," Jan said. Jackie had turned her attention partially to looking for good social media correspondents, but was still listening. It didn't necessarily matter what Jan was talking about, she just enjoyed being around her. And behind her </span>
  <em>
    <span>gorg</span>
  </em>
  <span> and purple hair, she was a great conversationalist who was a lot smarter than Jackie had imagined she would be. </span>
</p><p>"That's a fair assessment," Jackie agreed. "Well, the task of teaching Rock how to allocate her new financial resources will be a lot more fun than trying to convince her to use these resources the way I think she should."</p><p>
  <span>"Helping her see what caliber of director she is! That's actually so cute!"</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"It is, actually," Jackie said happily. It would be a fun experience. Rock had already come a long way from their first meeting where she was just giddy that Jackie even wanted to speak to her. This would be another milestone; getting her see her worth and how excited everyone was to be involved in the production. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jackie continued to work for another hour. Jan's insight into Rock not being used to having money for her shows had proved very beneficial. It helped Jackie rearrange her work and restructure the way she was working with Rock. Also, the angle of a young, fun director taking on classic theatre would please producers and she might even be able to help Rock find some grant money. Jan continued to chatter mindlessly as she laid on the floor, decompressing from her demanding rehearsal. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Once Jackie had completed everything that she had intended to for the night, and all she had intended to before heading into the weekend, she felt a pang of sadness. Her after-work visits with Jan hadn't ended back at her apartment that whole week, so she assumed that this would be the last she would see of the woman until the next week.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Unless she did exactly what Widow had said and actually decided to try and get out of her rut. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Janet, what does your weekend look like?" Jackie asked, trying to hide any eagerness she felt.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Why, I am very busy this weekend," Jan said sarcastically. "I didn't take a full leave of absence from The Jumping Bean, I said I could still work some weekends. So I have a shift Sunday. And then I will be very busy watching Netflix while Rosé goes out with Denali."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Rosé finally got her date?" Jackie had found herself involved and interested in the stories that Jan shared about her friends.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"She finally asked," Jan said. "Denali needed no convincing. But Rosé is convinced that Denali is </span>
  <em>
    <span>the one</span>
  </em>
  <span>, so she wanted to lay some groundwork."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Love, your roommate is hilarious," Jackie said with a laugh.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Absolutely," Jan agreed. "But she's never been like this about anyone before, so maybe there's something to it. She usually is very bold with women, but just in a flirty way, not telling me how she's gonna marry them."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"It's a little bit unhinged, but it does sound somehow still adorable," Jackie said.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"I support anything unhinged yet adorable," Jan giggled.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Do you support keeping me company tonight?" Jackie asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Do you want me to?"</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"I have a gorgeous Pinot Grigio waiting at home, but I have nobody to share it with."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"I'm really gross from rehearsal," Jan said. She wanted to spend the night with Jackie desperately, but her skin was still sticky from a successful day of dancing.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"My condo did come with a shower, Janet," Jackie said drily as she packed up her computer and papers. She made her way toward Jan after slinging the satchel that held her things over her shoulder. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Can we stop by my place to get something I can change into?"</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Love, ideally, you won't need to put anything else on this evening," Jackie said seductively as she tucked a loose hair from Jan's braid behind her ear. Jan bit her lip and looked into Jackie's eyes. "But if you'd like to pick up a few things in case I keep you up past your bedtime and you'd prefer to stay in my bed, we can stop by your apartment." </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"You'd like me to stay?" Jan asked tentatively.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Can I fuck you all night if you leave?"</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"No," Jan said, blushing furiously and feeling tongue tied. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Precisely. Now, come along, doll," Jackie said boldly as she moved past Jan and made her way to the exit of the theatre. Without a second thought, Jan dutifully followed behind Jackie, quickly sending a flurry of text to Rosé to pre-explain her impending absence.</span>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Thank you so much for reading!! I appreciate any and all feedback!!</p><p>Cheers!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0006"><h2>6. Nothing</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Jackie takes Jan on a date.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>I'm back, back, back again! Work is just a problem for me!! I would much rather be writing, let me tell you! But I appreciate the patience and understanding!!! I hope that you all enjoy this update! This was another one I really loved to write! </p><p>Cheers!!!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>Jan had a horrible rehearsal.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Usually, Jan was hard on herself. When she was performing at her best, Jan still wanted to push for better. If her triple pirouette was effortless, she wanted her quadruple to be just as flawless. If her battement was at the perfect angle, her grande battement needed to be just as straight. When she hit a note at the top of her range, she picked a note to aim for that was just a bit higher. Jan was her own toughest critic. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>But this was different.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>The cast and crew were a couple of months into the rehearsal process, so everyone was off book and ready to perfect the details. But that day, Jan couldn’t remember her lines. Days before she’d had it down, but it wasn’t clicking that day. At the top of the rehearsal, Jan’s voice was so shaky that she took an uncharacteristically long break to quickly drink a few cups of hot tea. At the bottom of the rehearsal, Jan’s spins were so weak that Widow moved them away from starting the choreography for </span>
  <em>
    <span>The Music and the Mirror </span>
  </em>
  <span> and onto some numbers that Jan was less involved in. It was embarrassing. It was uncomfortable</span>
</p><p>Once the rehearsal came to an end, Jan met up with Jackie in their place on the stage. Usually, Jackie continued on with her work, acknowledging Jan when she was able to. On that day, Jackie instantly stopped working when Jan came and sat down on the floor beside her. Her face indicated that things were not business as usual. Jackie couldn’t tell if Jan wanted to cry or scream.</p><p>
  <span>“Want company?” Jan huffed, unwilling to neglect her nightly check-ins with Jackie, even when she felt terrible. Her face indicated that she was coming to hang out regardless of Jackie’s answer, so Jackie didn’t feel it especially imperative to answer the rhetorical question. </span>
</p><p>"Rough day?” Jackie asked.</p><p>
  <span>"I’m sure you already heard about it,” Jan said angrily. She flung the cap off of her water bottle and took a big drink before bringing her knees to her chest, crossing her arms, and laying her forehead against her arms.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Yes Janet,” Jackie said drily. “As your personal assistant and your agent, I mostly just wait for updates about you. In fact, the whole cast and crew talk about nothing except for you. It’s all Jan, all the time.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Fuck off,” Jan mumbled to herself.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"I haven’t heard anything, Jan,” Jackie said softly, changing her demeanour. “I was working with the social media team almost all day. Most of the day was working on marketing stuff. Nobody said anything about your performance, my dear.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It was bad,” Jan said, looking up at Jackie’s make-shift desk. “I fell out of every spin. My voice kept cracking. I’m off book but I still needed to be fed lines over and over. Widow literally gave up on </span>
  <em>
    <span>The Music </span>
  </em>
  <span>to work on ensemble numbers because I was such a shit show.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"We all have bad rehearsals,” Jackie said.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“So bad that the choreographer gave up?"

</span>
</p><p>"Jan, she didn’t give up. She moved on,” Jackie corrected.</p><p>
  <span>"I</span>
  <span>’m going to get fired,” Jan sighed. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>
    <span>"How</span>
    <span> dramatic,” Jackie chuckled.</span>
  </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Jackie, I’m serious!” Jan exclaimed.</span>
</p><p>"Darling, they aren’t going to fire you for having a bad day. Maybe Brita will ask you to go on vocal rest for a day or two. Maybe Widow will work on a different scene for a while. Maybe you need to run lines a bit more. But you’re not going to get fired over a few stumbling spins. I have been in this business much longer than you, and never seen an actress get fired over a difficult day.” Jan’s hardened face began to get a bit softer as Jackie spoke.</p><p>"You really think so?”</p><p>
  <span>"If Rock was going to fire you, that I </span>
  <em>
    <span>would</span>
  </em>
  <span> know,” Jackie pointed out. “Trying to get Olivia emotionally prepared to step into your role would become my problem.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Maybe Olivia would be better at this than me,” Jan sighed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Now you are just living in your own misery, love,” Jackie tutted. “Olivia is extremely talented. She would have been Cassie if Rock wanted her to be Cassie. You were cast for a reason. Have a bad day, take your critiques, and move along.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"I took my critiques,” Jan assured Jackie. “My notebook is full of notes from today.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"So now, what shall you do next?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Move on,” Jan sighed. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Precisely,” Jackie said softly. Once she was sure she wasn’t going to get anything else completed, Jackie packed up her things and made her way over to Jan. Instead of the desk and floor setup that the women were used to, Jackie elected to sit beside Jan on the stage floor. “Move on, love.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Can’t I just let self-pity consume me? Let it eat away at me until I’m hollowed out and no longer feel any passion for the theatre? Quit my job and become a recluse, broken from allowing my dreams to fall from my grasp so unceremoniously?” Jan said, gesticulating wildly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Actresses</span>
  <span>,” Jackie sighed, offering Jan a small smile.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“If it wasn’t the last day of the week, I would have quit,” Jan said with a significantly more serious tone. “Well… maybe I wouldn’t have quit. But I would have seriously considered it. Having the two days to refocus is one of the main reasons I could kind of keep it together. If this was a Tuesday, I would have felt a lot more disastrous. Trying to come back and face Widow, Brita, and Rock right away would have been so hard.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Then I am forever grateful that it’s Friday,” Jackie said, electing to pause the tough love she was giving the purple-haired ingenue. Fighting the urge to pull the sad woman into a tight embrace, Jackie gently patted Jan’s hand. 

</span>
</p>
<p>"Thank you, Jackie,” Jan said softly, positioning her other hand on top of Jackie’s. </p><p>
  <span>"In my actress days, I’ve fallen, I’ve had my voice break over and over, I’ve had a hot mic while I was in my dressing room. Everyone here has seen it all, Jan.” Jackie reassured, as she gently took her hand away from Jan’s. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What did your mic pick up?” Jan asked excitedly. Secretly, Jackie was happy that Jan was too interested in theatre career gossip to notice that she had removed her hand. As much as she was interested in Jan, they were both still trying to understand their boundaries. Jan had spent a few nights at Jackie’s house and they enjoyed each others’ company, but nothing had progressed. The rules and Vanessa were still always in the back of Jackie’s mind whenever she felt like she might want to ask Jan to go for coffee, or to see Jan’s apartment. Or do anything besides fuck the younger girl senseless. But it was getting harder to fight the urge to bring Jan out on the town.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Something along the lines of </span>
  <em>
    <span>oh fuck, I can’t believe how much I’m sweating</span>
  </em>
  <span>, which definitely was out of place coming out Mrs. Lovett’s mouth,” Jackie laughed. Jan scream-laughed, and Jackie was happy to see Jan smile. “Remember Janet, we all have challenging rehearsals. Sometimes we even have cataclysmic performances. Even if it was bad, you still must not be too hard on yourself. Or start considering leaving. Olivia would be a more than capable Cassie, but you are a star. You’re incomparable. And this is not something I would just say to an actress in order to cheer her up.”</span>
</p><p>"No, I don’t think you would just say it,” Jan sighed.</p><p>
  <span>“I seldom care about the happiness of any young actress,” Jackie laughed.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>"If it matters, you</span>
  <span> often make this one quite happy,” Jan said, offering Jackie a small smile.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Thank you, Janet,” Jackie said softly. “If you ever need more embarrassing theatre stories, I am your woman. With my amount of years in the industry, I’ve seen it all and done it all.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Noted. But Jackie... Is there any chance that you’re looking for company tonight?” Jan asked quietly. Truthfully, it went without saying. Whenever Jackie allowed her mind to wander, it went to Jan. She was starting to feel consumed by thoughts and memories of the beautiful young woman. It wasn’t a question of whether or not Jackie wanted Jan around, it was how soon she could get her hands and mouth all over Jan’s soft skin.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“My bed is certainly big enough for two,” Jackie said. “Let me collect all of my things and then we can head to your house to get what you need.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Okay, that sounds nice,” Jan said as she jumped up to her feet.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Janet, is there any chance that you’d like to join me for a nice dinner tonight,” Jackie asked, knowing that it was another rhetorical question between the two.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Wh- Yes! Yes, of course!” Jan said a bit too excitedly. Her nerves were starting to bubble up though, no matter how excited she was. “But do you think that’s a good idea? I don’t… Do you- Like, what if someone sees us or something?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"I know a place,” Jackie said simply as she moved to leave the theatre. Confused, excited, and anxious, Jan followed Jackie out of the building, like the dutiful and obedient girl that Jackie liked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>**</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Girl, she is waiting downstairs for me, what do I wear?” Jan yelled to Rosé, ripping things out of her closet.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I can’t believe Mommy is finally going to show you off,” Rosé said, allowing sensual undertones to come out in her voice. </span>
</p><p>"Stop calling her that,” Jan called back.</p><p>
  <span>“Jan, she is obviously into you. It doesn’t matter what you wear,” Rosé pointed out. Jan groaned, still digging through her things. Instead of teasing Jan, Rosé came to sit on the foot of Jan’s bed, and double check through the clothes that Jan had already vetoed. </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“That’s sweet but I don’t even know where we’re going. She’s hot and cultured and brilliant and she </span>
  <em>
    <span>knows a place</span>
  </em>
  <span>, Rosé! Who just says they know a place?” Jan whined. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Rich people! Janet, if you are going to have a sugar mommy, you have to be prepared for these things, right?” Rosé teased, causing Jan to launch a pair of pants at Rosé’s head. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“She told me to dress </span>
  <em>
    <span>nice. </span>
  </em>
  <span>What does that mean?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"A</span>
  <span> little black dress, Jan. Look for some kind of black dress. You’re going to look sleek and classy and sexy. That’s nice, right? Do you have any that you really like?” Rosé asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Can I borrow that bodycon one that you have? The one that’s off the shoulder?” Jan asked, when she remembered the stunning dress that Rosé often dug out for wrap parties and cast events. </span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>“Oh my god, of course! Your tits are going to look amazing in that one!” Rosé said excitedly, as she made her way to her own bedroom, and quickly returned with the dress in question. Even though she loved to tease Jan, Rosé was always there for her, and Jan loved her best friend more than anything. Whenever she needed anything, no matter what she needed, Rosé was there. A few jibes came with Rosé’s help, but that was more than worth it. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’re a lifesaver, thank you,” Jan said happily.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"I</span>
  <span> can’t believe I’m helping you get eaten out tonight when I don’t even have a date! That’s got to make me a Saint or something,” Rosé laughed. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Just call her,” Jan said, referencing Rosé’s strange relationship with Denali.</span>
</p><p><span>“Timing isn’t right,” Rosé sighed. “It’s all very confusing.</span>“</p><p>"It would be less confusing if you just called her and told her that you’re obsessed with her,” Jan pointed out and Rosé just shrugged. Instead of insisting, Jan knew that her strange relationship with Jackie left her with little room to judge or comment, so she just offered her best friend a small smile. </p><p>Don’t keep mommy waiting,” Rosé teased, sidestepping any further conversation about Denali.</p><p>
  <span>**</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Jackie, I think I’m too poor to even look at this place,” Jan whispered to Jackie as they followed the maitre d’ to their seats. The </span>
  <em>
    <span>place</span>
  </em>
  <span> that Jackie knew looked like a restaurant out of a film. Everyone wore suits, the place was soaked with candle light, and the maitre d’ had called Jackie </span>
  <em>
    <span>Ms. Cox. </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>“It was my idea, darling. It’s my treat,” Jackie said simply. Jan’s face flushed as the phrase </span>
  <em>
    <span>sugar mommy </span>
  </em>
  <span>kept running through her mind, no matter how much she tried to keep that thought out of her head. Instead, she focused on Jackie’s long legs in the black dress that she was wearing. To Jan’s surprise, the maitre d’ pulled out the chair for her to sit in. He had initially moved to get Jackie’s chair, but she quickly directed him to attend to Jan instead. </span>
</p><p>“Shall I request a malbec or syrah for you and your guest tonight, Ms Cox?" He asked. If Jan wasn't intimidated before, the fact that the maitre d' knew Jackie's favourite wines would have made her feel nervous.</p><p>"That sounds lovely, whatever is available by the glass, thank you," Jackie nodded. </p><p>
  <span>"No bottle tonight?" He inquired, obviously surprised by Jackie's request.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Not tonight, thank you. The lady prefers  white," Jackie said, gesturing to Jan. Her cheeks flushed again, always feeling surprised and flattered when Jackie remembered details about her. It took Jan a few visits to tell Jackie not to waste such good and expensive wine on her, but Jackie had read between the lines and had begun to offer her white wines instead.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Of course," the maitre d' nodded. "A riesling? A chardonnay?" </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"I…" Jan paused, unsure of what to say, but not wanting to look like she couldn't order without Jackie's help. "Is there one that you'd recommend?" </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"If you're considering ordering any of the shellfish, we have a stunning viognier available. The aroma is rather floral, especially for such a fruity wine. Very smooth," he explained enthusiastically. Jan appreciated his excitement about the wine, so she nodded and agreed to have the wine.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Actually, I can't remember the last time I had viognier. May we please get a bottle of that instead? That sounds delightful," Jackie said. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Of course, Ms Cox. The one I was referencing is from the Napa Valley," he explained.</span>
</p><p>"Black Stallion?" Jackie asked.</p><p>
  <span>"Joseph Phelps</span>
  <b>," </b>
  <span>he said.</span>
</p><p>"Even better!" Jackie said excitedly. "Thank you very much."</p><p>"Right away, Ms Cox," he nodded as he walked away.</p><p>
  <span>"Great choice," Jackie said with a smirk. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Jacqueline, this place seems really </span>
  <em>
    <span>fancy</span>
  </em>
  <span>," Jan hissed, trying not to say out loud what she was thinking, as to not embarrass her date.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"I said it's my treat, Janet," Jackie said simply.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Okay, but I don't want you to like… I feel bad that you're bringing me somewhere so </span>
  <em>
    <span>fancy." </span>
  </em>
  <span>Jan explained. "It's not like I can return the favour or anything. I'm not nearly as </span>
  <em>
    <span>fancy."</span>
  </em>
</p><p>"I'm not sure what you think I'm expecting of you, love." Jackie laughed, reaching across the table to take Jan's hand. "Please, enjoy yourself. I will be. It's not often I get to spend a night eating well with a beautiful woman."</p><p>
  <span>"Not often? The staff know you!" Jan pointed out.</span>
</p><p><span>"Not often I get to spend a night eating well with a beautiful woman," Jackie repeated. "Notice, I'm emphasizing </span><em><span>with a beautiful woman.</span></em><span> This is a place I frequent often enough, but being here with you is different. Being here with you is what makes the night special."</span> </p><p>"If I didn't know any better, I might assume this was a date, Ms. Cox," Jan said.</p><p>"If I didn't know any better, I might assume that you were correct, Miss Mantione," Jackie agreed. "Unfortunately for my career, I find myself very fond of you. Ethically, there are a host of complications with this situation, of course. But I think as long as there is a bit of discretion involved…. I would like to take a chance to be happy. And you, Jan, have been making me very happy lately."</p><p>"Jackie, I don't even know what to say!"</p><p>
  <span>"I've been enjoying your company," Jackie continued. For a moment, their conversation came to a halt as a server came to offer sparkling water, and bring their wines. There was no subtlety in Jan's smile though, so Jackie knew that her comments were well received.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"You can't take me to fancy places like this all the time," Jan said sternly.</span>
</p><p>"I'm sorry?" Jackie laughed.</p><p>
  <span>"You can't pay for all of our dates," Jan clarified, swatting at Jackie's hand when she was overcome with laughter. "I'm serious!"</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Darling, don't be silly."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"I'm not being silly, Jackie! I don't want you to pay for everything. That's not what this is about." Jan tried to be as pointed as followed, but Jackie continued to laugh, causing Jan to scowl. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"I'm not looking for a sugar baby, Janet! I genuinely enjoy your company and would like to get to know you. Believe me, this has been causing me distress, worrying about how bad this might look, worrying about our careers, worrying about our age difference, worrying about… everything. But I'm looking for someone to spend my nights with. I'm looking for someone who I enjoy talking to. This isn't about wanting to take you to </span>
  <em>
    <span>fancy </span>
  </em>
  <span>places. This is about wanting to take you somewhere private. If you'd like to pay for some dates, I would be flattered, okay love?" Jackie asked, trying to hold back her giggles. It was endearing to Jackie that Jan, who was nervous about paying her rent a few weeks prior, was adamant that she wasn't involved with Jackie just for the money. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Well, okay then! We are all good here!" Jan said happily. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"You're stunning when you're flustered," Jackie said, picking up the menu that the maitre d' left when he took their wine orders. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Don't fluster me," Jan said while rolling her eyes. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Sadly, that's exactly what I plan to do tonight," Jackie said wryly, rubbing her foot up the inside of Jan's calf. She took a sharp intake of breath, partially annoyed at how fast Jackie could rile her up, partially feeling riled up. It had taken a while, but Jan was starting to feel more comfortable, if not a bit aroused. Even though Jan felt a bit young and out of place, she was there with Jackie, which was all she had been wanting after such a difficult day. Both women were feeling more peaceful in each other's presence. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Unfortunately, that peace didn't last long. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Jacqueline," a surprised voice called out. A short woman with dark hair was in the process of being seated with a tall blonde woman, in the vicinity of Jan and Jackie. Jan couldn't help but notice all of the colour drained from Jackie's face. It was extremely unsettling, because Jan had never seen Jackie look like this. She almost looked scared. The two women made their way over to the table, as Jan tried to figure out what exactly was going on. Jackie cleared her throat, looking between Jan and the two women approaching them. </span>
</p><p><span>"Vanessa," Jackie said.</span>      </p><p>
  
</p><p> </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>And there we go!! </p><p>Hopefully it's not 2 more months between updates!!</p><p>Cheers!!!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0007"><h2>7. Mother</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Jackie and Jan share a heated conversation with Vanessa and Brooke Lynn.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Work dying down = can't stop writing. But I swear, I owe ya'll after making you wait for two months again haah!</p><p>In a seriousness, thank you all again for putting up with my crazy schedule and I hope you enjoy!!</p><p> </p><p>Cheers!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>"Vanessa," Jackie said.</p><p>"It's been far too long," Vanessa said as she gestured for Jackie to stand up. Her voice was so falsely saccharine that Jan was very uncomfortable. She was caught off guard to watch Jackie dutifully get up to greet the girl when she clearly was nervous and didn't want to. But she did what the woman wanted, and stood up. The woman pulled Jackie into a tight hug that lasted a bit too long, earning a scowl from the woman that was with Vanessa. Jan couldn't read the situation to assess what was going on, but the tension was so palpable, she could feel her stomach turning. Once the awkward hug ended, Jackie shot a very apologetic look at Jan. </p><p>"Hello, Vanessa," Jackie mumbled. Every nerve in Jan's body was moving to fight or flight mode, and she wanted to run. The conversation had hardly started, nor was it anything other than innocuous greetings, but Jackie's demeanour had changed so much that it felt wrong. It felt like Jan was seeing something forbidden. </p><p>"You remember Brooke?"</p><p>"How could I possibly forget?" Jackie scoffed, collecting her composure enough to make a comment dripping with sarcasm. </p><p>"Hello Jacqueline," the woman that Jan deduced was Brooke Lynn said coldly. </p><p>"Brooke Lynn," Jackie said with a curt nod in the woman's direction.</p><p>"And who's this young lady," Vanessa said, emphasizing young far too much for Jan's liking. "Aren't you just the sweetest little thing! I love the purple hair!"</p><p>"This is Janet. She's-" Jackie started before pausing, searching for what to say. </p><p>"I'm working with Jacqueline!" Jan said, trying to give Jackie an out. The way Jackie's face softened indicated that she appreciated the line Jan was throwing. It was important for both women to keep a low profile in their industry, and since Jan didn't know who these women were, she decided to air on the side of caution and not allow Jackie to flounder. "She's managing A Chorus Line, and I'm playing Cassie. This is my first big role so I was really hoping to pick Jacqueline's brain."</p><p>"That's just lovely," Vanessa said. Her voice was sweet but it was laced with venom. "Taking this young upstart out to share your knowledge is so kind. I'm an actress too. Jackie and I worked together many times, but that was probably back when you were a child."</p><p>"I'm fortunate to have Jacqueline as a mentor," Jan said. In case this was someone in the industry, Jan held her tongue about the age comments, even if she wanted to tell this woman to fuck off.</p><p>"Jackie, you've changed a lot over the years," Vanessa smirked. "I can't remember too many actresses you took out to your favourite restaurant to give industry tips! You must be getting sentimental and altruistic in your old age. Why, I think I would be the only actress you'd have taken here before, right?"</p><p>"Aren't I lucky then?" Jan said, sarcastically. Despite neither Jackie nor Jan acknowledging what was happening, Vanessa could clearly see through what was going on. The elephant in the room was obvious. But Jan didn't want to give her the satisfaction of acknowledging that Jackie and Jan were on a date. The specificity of her comments being mostly about Jan made it clear that this was probably not an industry person, so Jan felt a bit more comfortable allowing some attitude to come out in her tone. Vanessa was someone who seemed to only have a desire to upset Jackie, rather than someone who had some kind of say in Jackie's career.</p><p>"Very lucky," Vanessa agreed, still trying to challenge the women. "Jackie and I used to come here all of the time, back in the day. It's private and quiet. But, if you're here for mentorship, I wonder why you'd need to go somewhere so quiet." </p><p>"Honestly, Vanessa-" Jackie started, before she was interrupted.</p><p>"Oh, I'm just joking Jackie! You have to lighten up." Vanessa said, sweetly, clearly ramping up for another dig. "After such a lengthy career in the theatre, she has a lot of information to offer. I'm just surprised to see Jackie rubbing off on juvenile members of the community is all."</p><p>"Vanessa," Brooke Lynn said, seeming more annoyed with the conversation, rather than coming to Jackie's aid. "Let's leave them to their dinner."</p><p>"You're right," Vanessa agreed. "You two must be dying to get back to your conversation. Really, I don't want to take up too much of your time as your lovely girl here probably isn't allowed to stay out too late. Her parents would probably worry."</p><p>"That's more than enough," Jackie said with finality. </p><p>"You've got to take yourself less seriously," Vanessa smirked, seeing that she'd finally gotten a rise out of Jackie. "It's been so nice to catch up, but Brooke and I have a table waiting. Let's get coffee at some point and chat? Bye!"</p><p>Vanessa and Brooke Lynn made their way to a table across the restaurant, leaving Jackie and Jan sitting in silence. There was so much to unpack, but neither one wanted to be the one to start the conversation. Feelings had yet to be broached in any way, so seeing Jackie so shaken, angry, and upset was extremely disarming. If this was anyone else, Jan would have immediately been offering love, but that wasn't how she and Jackie had worked.</p><p>"I need some air," Jackie said after a few moments. </p><p>"Do you want company?" Jan said softly, reaching for Jackie's hand. Dismissively, Jackie pulled her hand away and made her way toward the front door of the restaurant. When they were at the theatre, Jan knew asking whether or not Jackie wanted company was just a formality. That night however, Jan had no idea what to do, because Jackie didn't answer her. She quickly debated her options and decided that she was going to follow Jackie. Rather than just offer her company outside, Jan figured that leaving might be for the best. "Why don't we get out of here?"</p><p>"I just ordered our wine," Jackie said without looking back at Jan as she opened the door and made her way outside. "If they've already uncorked it-"</p><p>"I'll go back in and pay for the bottle, let's just go back to your place or something." Jan was trying to keep the conversation light. </p><p>"Love-"</p><p>"No, honestly. Let's just go, okay?"</p><p>"Darling, it's a ninety dollar bottle of wine," Jackie said, finally looking at Jan with a small smile.</p><p>"Oh fuck," Jan squealed, pulling a chuckle from Jackie. "Who pays ninety dollars for wine?"</p><p>"Somebody who was hoping to impress a gorgeous woman with an exquisite dinner and a memorable date," Jackie said sadly. "Although, my inability to stand up for you or I may have made the night memorable unfortunately."</p><p>"You didn't need to-"</p><p>"Janet, I'm so sorry," Jackie sighed.</p><p>"It's literally not a big deal. You didn't need to stand up for me. I figured she was like, a boss or somebody that you couldn't tell to fuck themselves," Jan explained honestly. The woman clearly hurt Jackie, so it wouldn't have been fair to be upset that Jackie was a bit more passive than one would have expected. </p><p>"Not exactly, but I appreciate your kindness."</p><p>"Why don't you take me home, Jackie?"</p><p>"You wouldn't be too disappointed if I wanted to head back to my place for the night instead? We can go back in and finish the the date of you'd rather though. Or I can take you home. Back to your home, I mean. If that has completely ruined your night or completely disappointed you, I genuinely would understand." Jackie didn't want the night to end, but if Jan was embarrassed or uncomfortable, Jackie wasn't going to try and force it.</p><p>"I'd be disappointed if you actually expected me to pay for that bottle of wine. I won't ever be disappointed to go home with you, Jackie," Jan said, taking the older woman's hand and squeezing it tightly.</p><p>*</p><p>"Do you want to talk about it?" Jan asked once the women were settled in at Jackie's condo. Instead of paying for the wine she wouldn't be able to afford, Jan bought blueberry pancakes and coffee from a diner on the way to Jackie's to take home with them. Neither of the women were keen to chat on their way back to Jackie's place, but once they were both sitting and eating on Jackie's couch, Jan couldn't stand the heavy silence longer. </p><p>"Not especially," Jackie said, her mouth full of pancakes. Normally, Jackie speaking with her mouth full would have been so out of character that it would have made Jan laugh to even think about. But living the experience was different and far too sad. "I'm sorry that you were brought into that."</p><p>"Don't be sorry! Those women clearly upset you. We left your favourite place and didn't drink wine that costs a quarter of my rent! Obviously it's weighing on you. I'm a good listener!"</p><p>"I am aware, you've been an incredible sounding board every night after rehearsals," Jackie said.</p><p>"See? You can talk to me. Who are those women?" Jan probed. </p><p>"She's an actress I worked with," Jackie evaded.</p><p>"Jackie," Jan pressed. </p><p>"Vanessa and Brooke Lynn. Vanessa and I… Vanessa and I were briefly engaged a long time ago," Jackie sighed, swallowing the mound of pancakes and washing it down with her coffee. </p><p>"Woah," Jan breathed. </p><p>"A very long time ago," Jackie repeated.</p><p>"Where did you meet her?"</p><p>"We did Little Shop of Horrors together. She was Audrey. I-"</p><p>"You were the assistant director," Jan finished. Jackie was surprised that Jan remembered. "That was your show. The one that made you fall in love with managing, right?"</p><p>"Correct, and unfortunately I also fell in love with Vanessa," Jackie sighed.</p><p>"Showmance?"</p><p>"Oh, it was much more than," Jackie explained. "Janet, I was absolutely obsessed with Vanessa. From the first moment I met her, I thought she was the most beautiful creature of all time. She was an enigma to me. She was so talented, yet came off so humble. Vanessa had booked a lot of lead roles at that point, but there was no ego back then. I wanted to be around her at all times. Never had I been so infatuated with another person."</p><p>"So what happened?" Jan asked.</p><p>"Vanessa met Brooke Lynn," Jackie scoffed.</p><p>"Oh, Jackie," Jan said sadly as she filled in the blanks that Jackie left.</p><p>"Do you know what just never sat right with me? She accepted my proposal a few months before I found her in bed with Brooke Lynn. They had been sleeping together already when I proposed. If she'd just said no, I think it might have saved a bit of heartbreak," Jackie sighed.</p><p>"You found them in bed together?" Jan gasped.</p><p>"I'd been away for a few days, helping an old colleague get a show off of the ground. I figured that I didn't need to warn my fiancée that I would be home early, but Vanessa probably would have disagreed. They were in our bed. The woman that I expected to marry, tangled up in the legs of a ballerina." Without intending to, Jackie had let a few tears fall from her eyes. It broke Jan's heart even more to watch the different, difficult emotions that Jackie was experiencing that night.</p><p>"And she still accepted your ring?"</p><p>"Yes, without any outward hesitation."</p><p>"Fuck, I'm so sorry," Jan breathed.</p><p>"It was a long time ago," Jackie said, shaking her head.</p><p>"It's still incredibly painful."</p><p>"Yes, it is," Jackie agreed. </p><p>"Did you have any suspicions?"</p><p>"None, isn't that naive of me? I believed that we would be married and live happily ever after. Even ten years ago, I was still far too old to be so doe-eyed. But there were no red flags at the time," Jackie said.</p><p>"I don't think that's naive," Jan disagreed. "You were in love! You were excited! And we all have late rehearsals and stuff, so no wonder you hadn't noticed." </p><p>"It's hard not to feel naive or foolish," Jackie continued. </p><p>"I'm sure it is, but if you love and trust someone, I don't think that's a weakness. You believed in the good in your fiancée. That's how it's supposed to be. Like, you're supposed to trust your wife," Jan reminded Jackie.</p><p>"She and Brooke Lynn got married very soon after," Jackie said.</p><p>"Holy shit, that's just rubbing salt in the wound," Jan sighed, grabbing Jackie's hand, rubbing her thumb across Jackie's knuckles.</p><p>"That made it so much worse," Jackie said, ignoring Jan's attempt to lighten the mood with touch. "They ended up together. She accepted my proposal when she was falling in love with someone else. A fling would be horrible, but she was in love. She was in love, enough to get married, with someone while we were engaged."</p><p>"That's a lot worse," Jan agreed.</p><p>"Despite my best efforts, moving on has proved quite difficult," Jackie admitted. </p><p>"That's why you don't bring actresses here," Jan surmised, gesturing around Jackie's condo.</p><p>"I'm sorry?"</p><p>"The first time you invited me over-"</p><p>"You invited yourself over," Jackie teased as she used a tissue to dry her eyes.</p><p>"Is that how it happened? I don't recall," Jan said with a smile. "But either way! You said that I was the first actress you'd ever taken home."</p><p>"Due to my gross generalization about actresses, you're correct. I found it difficult to trust anyone who had the built in excuse of rehearsals running late, so I avoided anyone in the industry for any sort of flings, but I especially had issues with the idea of an actress. I took great care to avoid women who reminded me of Vanessa, even in ways that were very trivial and insignificant," Jackie explained.</p><p>"That makes sense though," Jan agreed.</p><p>"Maybe a few years ago. But it's been a decade now. It's become a bit pathetic, being so disinterested in relationships still so many years later," Jackie said. </p><p>"You're being super hard on yourself here, Jackie," Jan disagreed. </p><p>"Not uncommon," Jackie chuckled.</p><p>"Thanks for sharing all of this with me," Jan said as she snuggled against Jackie. It took a while for Jan to finally press her body against Jackie's, just in case she was crossing any boundaries. But Jan's body was welcomed with - literally - Jackie's open arms. She enveloped Jan into a tight hug, and planted a few kisses on Jan's forehead.</p><p>"Thank you for listening, love," Jackie said.</p><p>*</p><p>Jackie's first date with the purple haired younger woman didn't go the way that she'd hoped, but it felt as though it went the way she needed it to. It had been far too long since Jackie had allowed herself to be vulnerable in that way. Gigi and Widow were always incredible, but sharing her story with Jan was different. Sharing with someone who wasn't there for the romance and the fallout was new for Jackie, and it had lifted a weight off of her shoulders.</p><p>She hadn't felt safe enough to be vulnerable with someone in a very long time. </p><p>The initial plan for the night involved sharing wine with Jan, and spending the night between her legs. But it ended up involving sharing breakfast food with Jan, and spending the night in Jan's arms. It had surprised Jackie when Jan demanded to be the big spoon when they slept that night, but she happily obliged. </p><p>Jackie still felt the weight of what it meant to sleep with Jan rather than to sleep with Jan. Even though she was comfortable being held by the sleeping woman, after a few hours of laying awake, Jackie still couldn't sleep. Rather than toss and turn and wake up the beautiful woman in her bed, Jackie snuck away to the living room of her condo.</p><p>Upon looking at her cellphone, Jackie noticed that it was nearly five in the morning, and she had a text from an unknown number that had remained unread for the last few hours. </p><p>"Can we talk, Jackie?"</p><p>Confused, Jackie answered. </p><p>"I'm sorry, I don't have your number saved."</p><p>She expected to be able to let her phone be for a while, as the initial text was from hours prior. To Jackie's surprise however, a message came back almost immediately.</p><p>"It's V." </p><p>Her stomach dropped. That nickname felt ancient. </p><p>"I miss you, Jackie."</p><p>She started to feel sick.</p><p>"I am so sorry for acting like a bitch to your date. But she's so young and cute and I'm jealous. I'm jealous. I miss you. Seeing you today made it clear. All these years and I will never be over you. It came right back when I saw you. It destroyed me. I miss you."</p><p>She didn't know what to say.</p><p>"It's always been you. Please answer."</p><p>She felt dizzy.</p><p>"I love you, Jacqueline. I've never stoppee."</p><p>It took a few minutes, but Jackie finally answered.</p><p>"Go to bed, Vanessa."</p><p>She knew that it wouldn't end the conversation, but she needed to try and stop thinking. She had waited a long time for Vanessa to say these things. She had been hoping, every day when Vanessa left, to hear these words. But now, as Jan was fast asleep in Jackie's bed, Vanessa was saying everything that Jackie had wanted to hear years ago.</p><p>"I need to see you. Jacqueline, please. Seeing you with that girl put everything into perspective. I love you."</p><p>After a few minutes, Jackie answered.</p><p>"Have you been drinking? Delete these messages. Go back to your wife, Vanessa."</p><p>"Can I please see you? I've been drinking, but that doesn't change what I'm saying or how I feel."</p><p>"Go to bed, Vanessa."</p><p>"She's at your house, isn't she?"</p><p>"It's been ten fucking years, Vanessa. This isn't fair. You can't do this after everything you put me through. I can't believe I'm even answering you. If you still have any love left in your heart for me, you will go back to your wife and stop messaging me."</p><p>"It's been ten years of regret, Jacqueline! Do you think that's easy for me? Every single day I wake up and wish you were there instead of Brooke Lynn."</p><p>"Go to bed, Vanessa."</p><p>"She doesn't love you. That little girl you took out for dinner. She just wants to fuck a hot older woman. She probably has mommy issues or something. She doesn't know you like I do."</p><p>"You no longer know me. You knew me a long time ago."</p><p>"Is it about sex? Is that why you want this young thing? Because you and I always had incredible sexual chemistry. I can make you come better than she can."</p><p>"Go to bed, Vanessa."</p><p>"Does she make you scream like I did?"</p><p>"You need to delete these messages before your wife sees them, Vanessa." </p><p>"I need to see you."</p><p>"No, Vanessa."</p><p>"Please?"</p><p>"No, Vanessa."</p><p>"Please, Jackie. I need you. I've needed you and lived with this for so long. Please? Brooke Lynn is going out of town for a tour. She leaves tomorrow. Can you please come over? Just for a while."</p><p>"Goodnight, Vanessa."</p><p>Jackie sighed, putting her phone away, feeling glad that she didn't give in to Vanessa. She appealed so greatly to Jackie's nostalgia for the young woman she fell in love with all those years ago. And the woman she didn't know if she was ever going to truly be able to move on from. Because on some level, Vanessa was right. In a decade, Jackie hadn't found anyone she'd been able to connect with the way she connected with Vanessa. Maybe Jan was different, but it was too soon to tell. For the time being though, Jackie ignored the way her phone kept vibrating, indicating that Vanessa was still active. </p><p>She just couldn't bring herself to block Vanessa's number, however.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Again, thank you all for reading! It means the world to me. I'd love to hear what you think so I'd you're down to leave a comment I'd love to read! Stay safe, everyone!</p><p>Cheers!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0008"><h2>8. Gimme the Ball</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Jan goes to Rosé for advice. After making a bad choice, Jackie looks to Widow and Gigi for help.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>I simply can't stop writing lately! I'm having so much fun with these stories! The longest chapter to date is here!! <br/>I'm so glad that you're still following my silly theatre kid silliness and I appreciate all the comments and kind words and kudos!</p><p>Cheers!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>"Hey gorgeous," Rosé called as Jan opened the door to their shared apartment. Jan was returning home on Sunday afternoon after spending the previous day's of the weekend at Jackie's condo. After an extremely vulnerable talk with Jackie on Friday night, things were different between the women. Initially, Jan had assumed that things would be a lot more open between the two, but Jackie was quick to close the topic. They didn't return to the subject of ex-fiancées, loneliness, or heartbreak. More than that though, Jackie made it clear that they were avoiding emotions all together. They didn't make another attempt at a date in public. Jan didn't mention how cute Jackie looked when she had maple syrup in the corner of her mouth. Jackie didn't tell Jan that breakfast-for-dinner was a thing she'd loved from her childhood. Sex and easy conversations about the upcoming show was what the two had been used to, but after Friday, it had felt like such a regression. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jan had expected their night to make some kind of change, even if it was negative. The fact that everything was the same almost felt worse.  </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Whatcha watching?" Jan asked after she slipped off her shoes and made her way to the couch Rosé was sitting on. Her roommate had a bowl of popcorn on her lap and was covered in a fuzzy, tartan blanket. It appeared that Rosé had paused whatever she was watching when Jan entered the apartment. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Once Upon a Time is on Disney+," Rosé explained. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Oh I loved that show when it was airing," Jan said. Rosé moved her legs, offering Jan a place to sit and the end corner of her blanket. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"I think the couch is going to have a permanent dent from my ass from this weekend. I don't think I've moved except to pee or get more popcorn for like, three days. Don't have a clue why I missed this show when it was on! It's pure camp!"</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Yes! It's so good. I love Regina," Jan gushed as Rosé moved to grab the remote and take the show off of pause.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Shocking," her roommate scoffed, earning an eye roll from Jan. "Speaking of sexy, scary older women, how's Mommy?"</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"</span>
  <em>
    <span>Jackie</span>
  </em>
  <span>," Jan corrected for the hundredth time. "And Jackie… it was not exactly a great date if I'm being honest."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"I wondered, cause your texts were so vague," Rosé said, grabbing the remote again. Jan gave Rosé a small smile, grateful that her friend was happy to pause what she was doing just to listen to her.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Without a second thought, Jan launched into a monologue about the weekend. She didn't miss a detail, from how much the wine cost to the way Vanessa's eyes bore into her. Jan was descriptive of how it felt to sleep - simply sleep - with Jackie, and how quickly things had fallen right back into normalcy. After holding Jackie when she cried and spending a night spooning the older woman, the next night felt so hollow, and that was hard to explain. The first time they'd slept together, Jan didn't even spend the night in Jackie's bed. After that, they'd shared Jackie's bed, but not each other's space. Sleep was reserved for the edges of Jackie's large bed. The women didn't cuddle until that one night. And when things went right back to how they'd been, Jan felt robbed. One night holding the beautiful object of her affections had made her crave the feeling.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Now," Jan said with an air of finality. "Now I'm just a bit confused. We both had agreed to keep it low-key and as professional as our little fling could be, but then </span>
  <em>
    <span>she </span>
  </em>
  <span>was the one who asked me to go on a proper date. </span>
  <em>
    <span>She </span>
  </em>
  <span>was the one who shared the story of that Vanessa bitch with me. And then just </span>
  <em>
    <span>nothing</span>
  </em>
  <span>?"</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Not to mention that she initiated that weird tension on the stage that ended with you two fucking," Rosé pointed out.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Right? And she invited me to sleep over that first time we spent the weekend together," Jan agreed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"That's true too," Rosé nodded. "Plus your little rendezvous after rehearsals. They're on her time. And she drives you home literally every day that nobody else is there."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"So I'm not crazy?" Jan asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"That's not what I said," Rosé grinned. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Rosé," Jan huffed. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Maybe she's not acting like things are different because she doesn't want them to be," Rosé suggested.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Fuck. I was worried about that," Jan sighed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"You wanted it to change?"</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"I think so," Jan nodded. "I mean, half of me was expecting her to throw me out after Vanessa embarrassed us. She's got a reputation to uphold."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"And a bit of an ego," Rosé teased, thinking of many of the stories Jan had shared. Jackie was talented and Jackie knew she was talented. There was no false modesty.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"But when it got right to the nitty gritty and I heard about her heartbreak, I kind of assumed that things would at least move a little bit forward, you know?"</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"What would that look like to you though?"</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"I don't really know. it's complicated with the show," Jan shrugged.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Don't pull that with me," Rosé shook her head. "Don't give me the </span>
  <em>
    <span>it's complicated </span>
  </em>
  <span>crap. You said you thought it would move forward. What do you mean?"</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"I guess I just thought maybe she'd like </span>
  <em>
    <span>like </span>
  </em>
  <span>me." Jan expected her best friend and to tease her about the childish terminology she was using, but Rosé just looked at her sadly. Being mocked might have actually made Jan feel less like shit than being pitied did. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"You like </span>
  <em>
    <span>like </span>
  </em>
  <span>her," Rosé said.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Isn't that just gross?" Jan whined, covering her face with her hands. "This is exactly why she tried to keep me at arm's length, isn't it? Because she knew I'd catch feelings. That's why she was so worried about fucking me. That's why she was so worried about professionalism! It's so cliché!"</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"It could be that," Rosé agreed. "Or maybe she's not acting like anything changed because she doesn't want it to in a different way. Like she doesn't want </span>
  <em>
    <span>you</span>
  </em>
  <span> to see </span>
  <em>
    <span>her </span>
  </em>
  <span>differently."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"How so?"</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Well maybe she isn't into you and she was just really embarrassed and hurt by Vanessa and she slipped up by being so emotional. Or maybe she </span>
  <em>
    <span>is</span>
  </em>
  <span> into you and she was just really embarrassed and hurt by Vanessa and she slipped up by being so emotional. Maybe she doesn't want you to be sad for her?" Rosé suggested.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Now you're getting me all hopeful," Jan huffed. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"It's the three solid days of fairytales," Rosé laughed. "This show is changing me!"</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Do you actually think that's possible? That Jackie was just caught off guard so she's being weird?" Jan asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Anything's possible," Rosé pointed out. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"But what do you think, Rosé?"</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Jackie is so hot, Jan. If she wanted to simply get laid, she could. I think she could find some idiot actress to fuck in every show she's ever been involved in, and she's only picked you," Rosé said, smirking.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Owch!" Jan whined.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Something about you had to be different, I think. Jackie keeps being the one to move things forward, and it's like she wants to pull back, but she doesn't exactly pull back. She regrets trying to kiss you, but she takes you home with her anyway. She invited you to spend the weekend. She accepts your company every night. She asked you to go on a real date. I can't imagine that's how a sexy MILF would go about pulling if it was just hook-ups. If she just wanted someone to get her off, she could pull really easily. Hell, if she wanted someone just to get her off, I'd probably volunteer," Rosé teased.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"You already have enough girl problems," Jan teased back.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Yeah but maybe Mommy could make me forget," Rosé raised her eyebrows suggestively. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"I hate you," Jan sighed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Fair enough," Rosé laughed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"What do I do?" Jan asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"You're asking </span>
  <em>
    <span>me</span>
  </em>
  <span>? Did you miss the part where I spent this whole weekend watching TV on the couch alone? You just said it yourself, I have enough girl problems!" Rosé was trying to keep it light and keep focused on Jan, but there was a lot of sadness in her voice. The long game she had intended to play with Denali hadn't gone well.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Call her," Jan said, as she said every time the topic of Denali came up.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"I'm not spending any more time trying to woo a fucking straight girl, Janet," Rosé snapped.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Hey, dickhead, you don't even know if that's for sure," Jan tossed back. "I know you're upset and sad but that's not my fault."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"You're right," Rosé sighed. "Sorry."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Thanks gorg," Jan said sincerely, patting her best friend on the knee. Her Scottish temper was known to flair up, but Rosé never stayed irrationally pissed off for very long. It was something that Jan appreciated. When harsh emotions came up, the Italian and the Scott could get as upset as they needed to, because it always ended fast and ended in love.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"My advice for what you should do about Jackie is going to be very hypocritical," Rosé smirked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"I had a feeling it would be," Jan laughed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"It's just so much easier when it's someone else!" Rosé whined. "Like I would have no problem going up to Jackie for you and finding out what your little fuck sessions mean. And I'm sure you could easily ask Denali if she was queer."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Because it's not our own feelings," Jan pointed out.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"And neither of us are scared to help each other," Rosé elaborated. "In a way that we are way too scared to help ourselves."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Very true," Jan sighed. The two women snuggled together, deciding to return to the fantasy world where Rosé had spent the weekend rather than the messy realities they found themselves in. A magical kingdom in ruins felt a lot safer to Jan than asking Jackie to get vulnerable with her all over again - or get truly vulnerable herself with Jackie for the first time.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>*</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>There was no reason for Jackie to meet Vanessa at the bar they loved all those years ago. She didn't owe her ex-fiancée anything, especially after the way she'd treated Jan. After everything that Vanessa had done, Jackie needed to move on. And fully move on for real. It was something that Jackie owed herself.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>And yet…</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"I can't believe you're here," Vanessa said as Jackie made her way to the bar that Vanessa was sitting at. As promised, Brooke Lynn was out of town. When Jackie said no to meeting for coffee or meeting Vanessa at her condo, Vanessa brought up </span>
  <em>
    <span>their </span>
  </em>
  <span>bar. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jackie had no idea how their bar was still open or how it made any money at all. It was a dive. They'd started frequenting the bar when they were working together for the first time, and even as their lives changed, the bar didn't. It was the same dingy place that offered the only beers Vanessa could afford at the time. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>When the two met, Jackie had already established herself as an actress. She'd put together a good resume and reputation before taking the assistant production director job on </span>
  <em>
    <span>Little Shop.</span>
  </em>
  <span> Vanessa wasn't nearly doing as well for herself as Jackie had been. She was still in her struggling actress stage, whereas Jackie was moving away from performance because she'd felt there wasn't much left in it for her. When they met, Vanessa had a lot of questions that Jackie was more than happy to answer. Bitch sessions about the show or conversations about the industry rapidly became something more. But it had all started at their bar.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"I can't believe it either," Jackie sighed as she sat down beside Vanessa. Quickly, she flagged the bartender down and ordered a beer she knew that she wouldn't enjoy. Their bar had truly not changed, meaning that she wouldn't be able to get a decent glass of wine, and in Jackie's opinion, crappy beer was better than crappy wine. And Jackie wouldn't be able to survive this conversation without some kind of alcohol.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Well I'm glad you're here," Vanessa said softly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"I don't even know why I am," Jackie admitted.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Brooke Lynn asked me not to speak to you," Vanessa said casually as she slipped the beer that she had been working on since before Jackie arrived. "After the other night, she asked me not to text you or call you or see you. She doesn't know about our text conversation of course. She probably wouldn't have left if she knew we'd been talking. Brooke Lynn is very weird about you."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Can you blame her?" Jackie scoffed. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"She doesn't know she has a reason to be jealous," Vanessa said softly, putting her hand on Jackie's. The familiar touch sent shockwaves through Jackie's body. It had been so long since she felt Vanessa. Even her hands were laced with nostalgia. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Maybe she has a feeling, after the little show you put on the other night," Jackie said. "You probably wouldn't have been as hateful to my friend if you weren't feeling some kind of way."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Oh your </span>
  <em>
    <span>friend,</span>
  </em>
  <span>" Vanessa said sarcastically.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"That sounds like be the attitude that your wife probably picked up on," Jackie pointed out.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"It feels weird that she doesn't trust me," Vanessa mused, softly rubbing Jackie's fingers with her own.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Are you taking pleasure in being disingenuous right now?" Jackie laughed. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"What?"</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"You cannot see why she doesn't trust you?" Jackie was completely bewildered. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"It feels weird that she doesn't trust me," Vanessa repeated. The repetition made her statement more clear to Jackie. It wasn't that Vanessa didn't understand it. She just wasn't used to it. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"You haven't changed," Jackie said, snatching her hand away from Vanessa angrily.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Jackie!" Vanessa gasped, surprised by her sudden movement away.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"This is a game to you," Jackie shook her head. "You don't care that your wife is worried. You aren't used to someone not trusting you because she used to and because I used to. You're more than comfortable fooling around on the people you love. The only thing that you're upset by is that you actually had to watch your back this time."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"You're putting words in my mouth," Vanessa snapped.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"I don't believe I am!"</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"You are assuming my motives, even though I laid myself bare the other night. Cheating on you was a mistake, Jackie. The biggest mistake I've ever made." Vanessa said softly, reaching for Jackie again. Everything in her brain told her to leave, but Jackie's legs seemed to be useless.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"I am not sure how to believe you," Jackie mumbled.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"I understand," Vanessa nodded.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Your texts-" </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Everything I said was true, Jacqueline. I miss you every fucking day of my life," Vanessa cried, letting big tears fall from her eyes.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Why now?"</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"It was the first time I've ever seen you with someone else," Vanessa admitted.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Jackie?" A familiar voice came from the front of the bar. Her face turned ghostly white when she turned around to see Gigi coming in and making her way to the bar. Gigi had an excited smile on her face until she realized that Vanessa was at the bar with Jackie. "What the fuck?"</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Hello Gigi," Vanessa said curtly, turning away with a less than subtle roll of her eyes.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Jackie, what the fuck?" Gigi repeated.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"We were just leaving," Vanessa said, reaching for Jackie's hand, trying to pull her up from her seat. Thankfully, her feet still didn't work and she remained in the bar stool.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"</span>
  <em>
    <span>We</span>
  </em>
  <span>?" Gigi repeated, looking at Jackie with a mixture of anger, sadness, and confusion.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"No," Jackie said, finally finding her voice and shaking her head.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"No?" Vanessa repeated, questioning Jackie.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"What are you doing here?" Jackie asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"I was meeting a few friends for drinks," Jackie said, gesturing to a table in the back corner. There were a few gorgeous women that Jackie assumed must be models that Gigi was working with. "I mean, you two were the ones who introduced me to this place. We all used to hang out here all the time back in the day."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"I didn't realize you still came here," Jackie said, voice hardly above a whisper.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Clearly," Gigi said coldly. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"I'm sorry," was all that Jackie would say.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"You don't owe her an apology," Vanessa said. "Come on, let's go."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"She's married, Jackie," Gigi reminded.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"I-"</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"It doesn't matter what she's saying. Her wedding ring is on her finger," Gigi pointed out.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Goode, can you mind your fucking business for once in your life?" Vanessa snapped, getting in Gigi's face to try and be intimidating.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Vanessa, stop."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"My best friend is my business," Gigi said angrily. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"I know you have a fucking problem with me," Vanessa started before Gigi cut her off </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"You cheated on my best friend! You cheated on her after you told her that you'd marry her! And then you married your mistress! Of course I have a fucking problem with you!" Gigi was speaking far too loudly for Jackie's comfort, but she was right. Why was Jackie there?</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"It seems like Jackie has forgiven me," Vanessa said boldly, sitting back down and putting her arm around Jackie with a smirk on her face.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"It's not what it looks like," Jackie said sheepishly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"She's married, Jackie," Gigi repeated. "I know you've never gotten over this. I know she broke your heart. I know you've spent ten years trying to ignore the pain or fuck it away. But you shouldn't put Vanessa's wife through that, right? It won't fix anything."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Why don't you go to your little meeting and fuck off?" Before Jackie could react, Vanessa was already back in Gigi's face, dangerously close to touching her.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"I would back off if I were you," Gigi sneered.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Or?"</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"My love for Jackie and the fact that I'm not twenty anymore are the only things keeping me from pulling you by your hair out of this bar and beating your ass in the alley outside," Gigi said as she got further into Vanessa's face."But my desire to break your nose may override those feelings very soon."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Okay, enough," Jackie said, stepping in between the women. "We are all adults here. Professional adults who don't want anyone to stare at us. So why don't we-"</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"I'm done with this," Vanessa said, collecting her things. "This was a perfectly nice night until Goode showed up. Brooke will be gone for the next few days. I'll call you later."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Vanessa-" Jackie stood up, unsure of what she would say if Vanessa stopped. Instead, Vanessa continued walking and didn't even look back.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"I'm going to go tell the girls that I don't feel well enough to hang out tonight. We are going to head back to my place, I'll see if Widow is around," Gigi said, still unsure if she would be angry or sad. "And you need to tell me what the fuck is happening."</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>*</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Jackie hated to open up to anyone. She told things to Gigi and Widow, but usually danced around the emotions, using them more as sounding boards than working out her feelings with them. She could count the times she'd cried in the last few years on one hand. Even if she felt more numb than anything else, at least she didn't have everyone know how she felt at all times. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>And yet, she was crying for the second time that weekend.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Once Gigi, Widow, and Jackie all met up at Gigi's place, Jackie started. The breakdown started almost immediately, and it didn't stop until there was nothing else to say. Every thought, every touch, everything Jan, everything Vanessa, everything was in the open. Her best friends let her go until there was nothing left, only offering water to keep her hydrated and sounds of encouragement when Jackie paused her long story. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"I want to kick the shit out of that </span>
  <em>
    <span>cunt,</span>
  </em>
  <span> Gigi said angrily, once Jackie had completely emptied herself of all thoughts and feelings. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Vanessa?" Jackie clarified as she dabbed her eyes with a tissue. It felt like even if she wanted to cry, Jackie wouldn't be able to. It felt like there was nothing left in her.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Obviously!" Widow said, just as angry as Gigi was.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"I thought you might mean me," Jackie said sheepishly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"No, Jackie, God no!" Gigi exclaimed. "Your manipulative, horrible ex-fiancée! The second she sees that you might be happy with someone else for the first fucking time, she has feelings for you?"</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"And she's willing to do this whole affair thing again," Widow added. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"She never said affair," Jackie pointed out.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Jackie, she invited you out when her wife left town," Widow said drily. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"After taunting you about your sex life," Gigi agreed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"I'm stupid," Jackie said. "I should have known that it was just because she saw me out with Jan."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Would you have slept with her?" Gigi asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"I sincerely don't know," Jackie sighed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Why? After everything? It really felt like you've been moving on-" Widow began. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Well look how that's going for me," Jackie spat.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"What does that mean?" Widow asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"I sobbed all over her! I made a complete fucking idiot of myself. Janet was at the centre of this idiocy. Vanessa and I dragged her into this, and then I spent a night indulging my own misery at poor Jan's expense! I desperately tried to regain normalcy the next day, but it was still off. She left early on Sunday," Jackie said, still feeling like there was nothing left in her to cry out.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Jackie, who cares?" Gigi asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"That isn't our relationship!" </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"But why can't it be?" Widow probed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"I'm not delusional! Jackie snapped. "Vanessa is right to a degree. There was a sexual attraction between Jan and I that is why everything came together. This was not what she signed up for."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"You think that the girl who spent the night feeding you and holding you after your ex called her a gold digging whore is only into you for sex?" Gigi asked, incredulously. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Well-"</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"You've been so happy, Jackie," Widow said softly. "She's made you smile. Your work has more passion. You are much more likely to talk to people. All of the staff love you. They respect you, but when was the last time a cast and crew weren't terrified of you?"</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"And when this one leaves?" Jackie asked bitterly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Isn't it worth it to try? To actually feel happy for a while. Everything is fleeting. The pride you feel for a show is gone by the time you start the next one," Widow pointed out warmly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"You met with Vanessa to sabotage your relationship with Jan?" Gigi asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"On some level," Jackie admitted. "Jan is terrifying. She is vibrant and smart and open and fun and kind. She bought breakfast food when I was falling apart at the seams. And that is scary."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"We know," Gigi agreed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"It's terrifying," Widow agreed.</span>
</p><p><span>"If Janet </span>destroys me?</p><p>"Then you rebuild yourself. You've done it before." Gigi said. "You've been kicked by life a lot of times. Don't let it kick you around in the same way. Don't go back and let Vanessa ruin you all over again. Because she will. She will hurt you again. That is who she is. Look at how quick she was to put her marriage at risk."</p><p>
  <span>"Janet deserves much more than-"</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Someone who loves her?" Widow asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"It's far too early for love," Jackie said. "But I am fond of her. So very fond of her."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Then maybe you need to give her a chance to break your heart," Gigi said. </span>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Thank you so much for checking out this chapter! I appreciate all your support and kindness!! I'd love to hear what you think!!</p><p>Also, not me wanting to remind everyone about how hot the Evil Queen was on Once Upon a Time????</p><p> </p><p>Cheers!!!</p>
        </blockquote><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Well!! I hope you all enjoyed this first chapter! Let me know your thoughts! Review! Comment! Critique! Tell me about your day! I just love hearing from everyone! </p><p>Hoping to go weekly for this one!</p><p>Cheers!</p></blockquote></div></div>
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